The miracle of brokenness……

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Broken but not alone!

I have been, in the course of my journey through life, asked so many times; “what is a miracle?”. And my answer since April 1992 has really not changed! A miracle is an encounter with The Sovereign God that marks a transformation to one’s entire being producing an altered and improved state thereafter. An encounter that cannot be literally expressed sufficiently enough because more often than not, there is such a new and heightened relationship with the source of the miracle that words cannot adequately capture. All miracles have an outward manifestation, be it healing or just simply waking up in a new day. However what i have also learned is that the most important miracle is not the healing of broken bones or the provision of a new job but it is the healing of a broken spirit. Since 2013, when I published my first post, it has been my prayer that every post transcend just mere reading of words but actually filters through to the spirit where ultimately transformation takes place. It is usually in the midst of brokenness that the significance of a miracle is most felt.

Has my life been devoid of miracles? Definitely not, birth in itself is a miracle and no matter how much you strive to attempt and define the source of the miracle, there is just One Source that evokes the miracles that matter. Do miracles always have that earth shattering result that has become so widely associated with being a Christian  as publicised in the media? Definitely not! My own experiences have shown me that the miracles that occur with no fanfare, no thunder rumbling or multiple lightening strikes on the same spot, are those that tend to affect you more significantly. It has almost become conventionally accepted that more potential is attributed to the miracles that come with fanfare and blowing of trumpets, which I think is somewhat like missing the mark. Nonetheless when you can percieve in the stillness of the moment within your spirit the beauty of the miracles that occur every day, then the profoundness of that miracle and its associated benefits are truly yours to enjoy.

In the course of the last two weeks, I have opened up my heart to more people especially those living with some neurological disorder as I am and those who, even though are not ailing, but by virtue of being caregivers to family and friends are also part of this group. Within this group, I have seen such resilience and defiance to being constrained and made a prisoner of Parkinson’s or Dystonia, that with every encounter I consider myself truly blessed. It is in the chats and conversations with these amazing group of people that I whole-heartedly attest that I am in an arena filled with champions. Champions defined not by the physical parameters of bulging biceps or stunning physiques but defined by their refusal to give in to these disorders and their astounding sincerity of actions that can only be fuelled by true love. In all honesty, this caption was born from the utterances of an incredibly amazing man whose craving for donuts and his humorous videos make him extra special. With his permission, I want to share his words;

If this makes any sense, there’s been an unimaginable benefit to having this disease. What are you talking about Uncle Donut? Well, I’m glad you asked, so hear it goes. If I didn’t have this disease, I would have never been exposed to a world where people who have such compassion and kindness, struggle with the simplest things. Being on the outside looking in, I would have never known that the person beside me in the store, may have just been through a Dystonia storm, or my neighbor down the street may have had Yopd (Young onset Parkinson’s Disease) and smiled while taking walks with his family. Physically I was strong and confident, but I have learned something about that. True strength is fighting everyday to keep going, even when your body says no. True strength is when you have a dystonic storm, but you get up to make cookies with your kiddos. There’s so many stories I could tell you, that I read about. I’m overwhelmed by a world of compassion where you are not judged, mocked, or belittled because of your disabilities. A world that welcomes you with open arms, and its ok to have bad days and not be criticized. I would have never experienced this, had it not been for PD. My eyes were truly opened, and I’m thankful to be part of this world. So please keep fighting, people don’t realize how beautiful and incredible you are. You may not feel this way some days, but I’m here to tell you, you are a bright light in a dark room. Much love guys.” – Keith McKoy

Reading this just allowed me re-appreciate the uniqueness of our individuality, expressed through the choices we make everyday. Even when we are broken, there is a miracle there if you can only just change your perspective and focus on the world around you. It is a miracle that defies the weakness, fragility and limitations of our human body. It is a miracle that forges a more resilient spirit, acknowledges that we were not created to be alone and taps into a Core that we never realised existed. It is a miracle that produces the strength to love someone else regardless of location, language, skin texture, size etc. It is in this brokenness that we can truly love in deed and not just words, and that is itself is a miracle. As long as we stand side by side, through the billowing and raging of the storms, through the darkness that seems unending, though the unpredictable and severe dystonic episodes, there is a miracle occurring through it all. Today, once again, I choose to give and when I have nothing more to give, I will stand/sit in silence with you because every life is special and nobody deserves to be alone in the storms of life.

עד שנפגשנו שוב, אולי התענוגות שלו להיות העונג שלך לעשות

Adios!

 

A Jolt in the road……

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.....the jolt changes things!

                                                                        ….the jolt changes things!

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, rather we are spiritual beings having a human experience” – Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Most times, very significant events are captured by an exclamation of some sorts like the popular ‘Eureka!’ to its being described in some fancy words like ‘the aha! moment’, the aim is ultimately to try and share the clarity of vision received following such an event. For those who like penning down stuff, it’s that thought that takes such a grip on you that the ability to attend to some other task is almost non existent. Expressing it is like the release that you so crave, it rids you of the restlessness of your inner being….that desire to comprehend in some form, the sudden change of events that hitherto had seemed almost perfect – just like we planned????

As a growing kid in a large household complete with 5 siblings, the house helps, relatives, pets and the frequent house guest; it was mandatory to start off the day by attending to the chore that had been assigned to you by the matriarch. One of my earlier chores was cleaning up the master bedroom which also included one of my favourite tasks – making up the bed, and there was something almost soothing in transforming the neatly folded square of bed sheet into the bedcover that spanned the breadth and width of the mattress. Smoothening out every crease, making every tuck as neat as possible, maximum concentration and the quiteness, it was almost like the bed should never be slept in because it appeared so beautiful however that was what I’d have liked as against the very essence of the whole exercise which was to prepare the bed for the next sleep in. That was what the bed was made for, the exercise of dressing it up was just a process to get it to fulfil the purpose for which it was made. If it was not slept in, I guess there would be no need to make it up and then there would be no chore of that sort again. In retrospect, I suppose that task played a role in how I deal with neatness and almost being too particular about how stuff is arranged.

A couple of days ago, I was almost involved in the second rollover in my entire driving history and geez!it is indeed a miracle that it did not happen but it began just like the first one, there was that annoying jolt in an otherwise very smooth road for the last hundreds of miles. It is no testament to how far I’ve come on this journey, banned from driving 5years ago by medical experts due to dystonia but God has sometimes shoved me when I had almost given up on myself, and His grace is so evident in the very fact that I was even behind the wheels. Battling the hesitation from medical experts, turning a deaf ear to the concerns from some that it might be more of a con than a pro because of the stress involved but it’s something I’ve always loved doing (driving and road trips) and just being able to enjoy it again has been such a delight. The last few weeks have all but gone by in a blur and just when it seems like everything was going according to plan (slowly but surely)….. It happened again, I struck that jolt in the road, not because of medical fears but just something that could happen to just about anyone, I swerved to avoid an object! – need I mention how smooth the last hundred miles had been? Now it’s like my very worst fears might be realised, the road trips might come to an end and the prospect was so horrifying some minutes ago….

It’s so weird that in our world today, we are seemingly more comfortable with trusting human opinions or technology made by man when in all sincerity, these things that we are choosing to base our existence upon are creations of our hands and mind you, our knowledge is very limited. We readily turn to Google for the answer to that question that was just thrown at us, and without even stopping to consider, we are ready to run with the answer supplied by Google. Funny enough, there was no Google in high school and I barely relied on it in college but I did succeed (sure it might have made stuff easier but still ….). It is so strange how more often than not, we make the choice to run with what we consider our best plans and get so lost in it that it actually requires that jolt in the road to make us realise how feeble and limited our own attempts at making and living the best plans out are. We so quickly get so drawn into the smoothness of the road that we forget that life is in itself more of a journey than a destination, it is a series of stops and when we allow ourselves to get lost in the smoothness of some portion, we may very well miss the next exit and the entrance to the next and usually better phase of our lives.

As Christians, it is so easy to profess our faith when the going is smooth but guess what, faith is tested by trials and it is during those trials that we have to come to terms with our faith and profess it because we believe even when the situation says otherwise. One of my favourite Scriptural verse is encapsulated in the story of the three young Hebrew boys born and bred in captivity, under the rule of Babylon; what is most compelling is that they stared their own death in the face of the fiery furnace and yet their words whilst depicting the possibility of their own human fallibility strongly proclaimed their faith in God regardless of whether He came through on their behalf or not. It’s become more than just words to me on this journey, I choose to believe that my Creator has the best plans for me because I’m constantly reminded on a daily basis of my limitations (no thanks to Myoclonus). And yes it has taken yet this jolt to bring me around but I’m glad that I have come around to acknowledge that my well being is not defined by how smooth the road has been or will be, but rather it will always be defined by the gradual manifestation of His purpose in my life. I choose to enjoy the moments as they come and not flinch when it ends because as surely as day and night, seasons will begin and end.

Even as the winter winds howl, and the temperature plummets, I am reminded that this is yet another season that has begun on the ends of the previous one. And even though the prospects seem scary, I know that choosing to worship rather than worry will always put me in good stead. We have to make the painful admission that we do not know it all and our best plans pale in comparison to His purpose and plans for us. We have to acknowledge, sometimes painfully too, that He has got us even though it might look like its the isolation of the darkness again. I look back and I acknowledge how far I have come, despite the overwhelming hopelessness of some of those times and I know that the jolt is less of a deterrent but rather more of a prod in the right direction. Understand that you can only encourage yourself in Him when you are all by yourself, alone and sometimes frightened. You can only understand the wisdom of sorrowing times when you truly lose and are sorrowing, the process includes pain and pleasure but its up to you to choose on what you’d rather dwell on. I’ve gotten past the worst times, what else but better times await me ahead. There is no counsel save His that takes preeminence in my life and even though I stand alone in these times, I will stand tall and true because I know He is all things to me. Such comforting reassurance even as I face the uncertainty of tomorrow, I am truly glad for the privileges and opportunities – the opportunity to be differ ent, the opportunity to leave positive impact on the lives I’ve been blessed to encounter, the opportunity to hear people say how inspired they are and above all the opportunity to share my story and watch hope burst into flames in the life of those who had given up and those who almost had.

I can never know it all, that’s impossible but I know who does and with every passing breath (it’s quite visible these times), I choose to defer to His Will and plans because it has and will always be about Him. Nothing else matters more!

פרידה עד שנפגשנו שוב בתזמון שלו, וייתכן שאהבתו של אלוהים להיות אמיתית לך!

Adios! Continue reading