Thanks Nina for being my muse and more importantly for just listening. I’ve discovered that forgiveness and forgetting are often usually expressed in the same sentence however there is as much difference between them as is light from darkness. I must sincerely apologize for the protracted silence because life happens and whether it’s infected congestion in my lungs or the tennis elbow, we each must tackle one issue after another in order of gravity as is unique to our life stories.

So what’s new besides the few I mentioned? My body is taking a whipping and there’s so little that I can do about it because pity parties are sometimes spontaneous however you will not lack attendees. There are no guarantees of a life that checks every good box, we must learn to roll with the storms of life and even as I’m confronted with the rapidly debilitating effects of dementia on my dad, I’m thankful that we made things right before it hit. Yet another reminder that time cannot be controlled in its passage and now is our time to cater for those that nurtured us, in their best interpretation, and made us who we are today. Yes, the map to Valhalla might be all worn out and unusable however we all have our end coming even as we prepare to handover to the next generation, whether we like it or not. It’s that time and how prepared we are really doesn’t matter, the show must go on.

Regardless of how tightly we reinforced the fences surrounding our nest, it must be empty as life evolves. I am reminded by Phoenix that ‘soon’ is just shy of 2 packs of a baker’s dozen and 1month and in clear terms, the results of my task as a father will be on full display for all of creation to see. In truth, I’d say that the reins have almost completely being eased from my hands and no matter how much I desire this pasture to be greener, she’s finding (found most likely) her pasture and all I can do now is guide and give counsel when called upon. The countdown is on and Cap’n requires everything I’ve got and more than I think I have. Parenting is not procreation; both are abilities however like forgiveness, the former is a call to arms and not dependent on our natural tendencies. “If any lacks wisdom, let him ask freely….” and the beauty of that promise is that the wisdom given comes without criticism or judgement. There comes a time in every life when some ropes must be cast off and new ones prepared in order to sail the path laid before us…..if we must attain any vestiges of fulfillment.

In war times, fathers bury their kids while in times of peace, the roles are reversed but what would you do when the season of battle seems unending? Results are gotten when you’ve found ways of improving yourself in the waiting room because nothing and nobody lasts for all eternity. It’s in the waiting room, we must choose to make our scars shine as beacons of a brighter future or get submerged in the despondency that comes with not knowing your identity first. Clichè or not, I am prepared for the unexpected; whether it be in the quiet room of the 309th or in the virtual room of long grown relationships. Now is when we look back to see a path beaten down by the soles of our feet but adorned with flowers or just a path beaten down but stark, no beautiful memories to show. Inadvertently, the sands of time will completely eclipse the latter however it’s better late than never.

“Give me 6years to cut down a tree, and I’ll spend 4yrs sharpening my axe.” – A. Lincoln. Remember that in the effort lies victory and so no matter how long we spend in the waiting room, we must prepare ourselves for what lies ahead and forge for that time, a sinuous relationship with He who controls all! Now with braces snapped on, I will persist in making hay while yet the sun shines and despite the withering heat, I must make my life count for something because the other option is no option at all. Bit by bit, sweat streaming down my brow, I’ll swing my axe knowing that every swing is a change at the very least. And if I can but touch just one life, then therein, I’ll find recourse.

Deep down, the hurt remains however I refuse to be a prisoner of my conscience and hastily forgive and ask for forgiveness. And because I’ve been given what I didn’t earn or deserve, I’ll still extend as much as I can because in giving lies continuity and reward. Not the reward that is seen and posted on social media, a masterful work of deception but rather the reward that cannot be comprehended by what we can only see with our human eyes. Each day, I remind myself that this is not just a human journey but rather a human experience by spiritual beings. Therein lies the unique purpose for every life, the attempt to grasp the why and the strength needed to rise again when I’m knocked down. We’ve only got shot at this, I choose to give it my best shot and some.

עד שניפגש שוב, זכרו שיש בחיים יותר ממה שנראה לעין!

Adios!