How are you supposed to feel

When everyone looks at you with pity?

How are you supposed to feel

When everyone calls you a survivor?

Everyone looks at you

But they don’t notice you

They refuse to look into your eyes

Because they’re afraid of seeing the shadows behind them

Afraid of possibly seeing what you saw

The red splatters that will forever be ingrained

In the very far corners of your mind

They don’t want to acknowledge it;

The emotions that tore through those four walls

The tension that caused every sound

To vibrate through the white-colored walls

You want to stop

But you can’t help reliving that very moment

The moment that everyone and no one talked about.

The moment that made you feel like

All the air was being sucked out of your lungs

Like your heart might just tear out of your chest

Like your ears were ringing from the piercing screams

You wanted it to stop

But it didn’t

Because you were drowning

In the repeating loop

Of the day your childhood ended.

– Red Phoenix