Category Archives: My Journey

Constrained but not confined……

Standard
constrained motion

Constrained motion…

It is just past noon and the sun is still scorching, you can literally see the heat waves shimmering off the road surface…..and even my favorite hobby of swimming is not as enjoyable as it is wont but then I still will enjoy it because change is not solely defined by geographically location, it is to me a myriad of definitions depending on the present circumstances that surround you. This hopefully suffices for all those out there who want to know if I have ‘relocated’. “To struggle and to understand. Never the last without the first. That is the law.”– George Mallory

I had my last neurological assessment a couple of weeks prior to making this trip and as usual, it was an evaluation of how far I have come. How far has the myoclonus progressed? Are there newer symptoms that I have noticed between now and my last assessment? Yep! Myoclonus is more than just one word, it is a package of unpredictable responses by my neurological system that have ceased to be the center of my focus because it will always be about what I challenge myself with irrespective of whether it is a good or bad day. I left her (my neurologist) with a smile because everything about life can be compartmentalized by the struggles we each face daily. Of course, my assessment ended with an amended prescription – dosages increased, new drugs added but despite having to lug around a pouch filled with my medication, I remind myself that this disorder can only conquer me if I choose to allow it. Myoclonus might constrain me but I made the choice three years ago that I would not be confined by it, working through the mixed feelings of the depression of being finally diagnosed and the fact that I was not the only one struggling with something I never planned for.

And so back then I reassured myself that there was no better time than now to check off the boxes on my to do list, keep a journal and eventually start blogging after being encouraged to do so by my best friend. It has been more than 2 years ago that I made that first effort/attempt to pen down my thoughts – and did I struggle? Yes I did, but I look back now and its almost so far away that one might think it never happened. Alas to everything on earth, there is a beginning and an end – ironically none of us can truly influence each end of the spectrum but what we must do is to do what we can, now that we can.

Today, I reminisce about the 3 year journey and how so much change has been wrought in my life, the people that I have been blessed to encounter and those that may not have been such a blessing. The hard truth is that not everyone we encounter will be a blessing but everyone that we do encounter is there for a reason and will therefore evoke change in us – positive or negative, the choice is entirely up to us. In the course of this journey, I have learned more about medical research than I ever thought I would, forging a path in medicine was never a choice of mine to begin with. And so when I am severely constrained by bouts of sciatica or the worst case of the shakes, or be it the onset of rheumatoid arthritis or the unceasing struggle with the exhaustion of insomnia, I stride on. To me, they are all part of this nasty package called myoclonus – constraining and sometimes severely hampering everyday activities but for each day’s struggle, there is always some victory to be clinched at the end.

I appreciate constantly how unique I am, the strength of God’s love made manifest and the truth that He has, can and will bear this heavy burden. I realize that with the onset of something new in this struggle with myoclonus, there are more accompanying blessings than I can see and so that is what I choose to define me. It is those choices that influence the words I speak, the increasing empathy for people who are nigh on being completely helpless, the fact that I can forgive and move on with the exhilarating feel of true freedom. That I completely acknowledge that the ability to forgive is not mine to create, rather it is a gift of God that I can always tap in and utilize. Those moments of brokenness that have brought me to realize that the core of my strength is and never will be defined by the physical limits of this frail body, rather it is defined by One who words are so inadequate as to completely describe Him. He has, is and will always the very essence of my being. He is all things to me, I can because He says so and therefore what a walk in the park it will be.

It is always a joy explaining to the curious that despite how complicating myoclonus is (they usually never quite grasp the complexity of a nervous system disorder beginning from the brain or the resultant misfiring and overfiring of signals through my nervous system or the almost imperceptible but constant tremors), it is not what defines me. Yep, I may be a little wobbly or twitchy or require more attention than the next person be it in a seating arrangement or when it comes to simple tasks like joining a buffet line to grab a meal, however there is still so much that I can do because it is a phase that will definitely have an end. And it is that end, that we all on our personal paths, strive to attain so as to move on to the next phase or season. Life is a journey comprising a series of seasons but with one final destination in itself.

I am grateful for the beauty of having an emotional support and structure, quietly being set up during the darkest moments by God, the sacrifices made and given by very remarkable individuals – none of whom I anticipated ever meeting. Today, I am more than a patient, more than a part of the data complied for medical research; today I am who God says I am – that is the report I live with. And for everyone who has played such significant roles in my journey, I am grateful that you were/are a part of my journey because someday it will be all over…….and guess what? it won’t be long! Today, I am having the best moments of my life, and looking forward to even better times because my end will progressively and definitely be better than where I am now. It is, in all reality, all working together for my good. Such good that it will be savored by as many as possible, beginning with my household.

Remember this “Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved” – William Jennings Bryan

ייתכןשהרוחות תמיד תהיה לטובתך עד שנפגשנו שוב!

Adios!

Let’s walk….

Standard

Walk With Me….

I receive posts and have conversations with so many beautiful people as they attempt to chronicle their life journeys – ups and downs etc and I am truly honored that whilst we all together battle the horrendous debilitating condition known as dystonia, it is not a time for dirges and eulogies cos we are still alive and in it together. I am also ecstatic considering that this month will (has/is to be) officially recognised as Dystonia Awareness Month (DAM is so much better than Damn), however I apologize yet again for the break from writing. It has indeed been a whirlwind of activities – playing hosts and with a wry smile, thankful that hospitality is also something that God demands of us. There will always be situations where you go in as daffodils and almost emerge as dried up floral specimen in a history book somewhere, however yet again the choice is yours because the strength, grace and panache is available as and when due. Quite a few notable transitions have taken place, my deep condolences to those left behind and I always advocate that whilst the sorrow and loss will inevitably be felt, we can choose to make them happy that we encountered them and possibly took something positive from the encounters.

I still am hard pressed regularly and put through the paces regarding the subject of myoclonus dystonia and the various members of the huge Dystonia family. For one, I would say, take a moment now or after you are done and look it up online because dystonia is not a disease like the ravaging ebola virus or any other ‘really bad’ disease that has an open and shut chapter of visible symptoms manifested by every one infected. I would say that just like I learned as a child, discernment is an awesome gift and the success at being a triage champion is not to be fazed by the amount of blood gushing from wounds/body orifices but the ability to stay calm and see through the almost quiet complaints of internal pains because more often than not – what hurts and damages the most is rarely always physically seen by everyone until its too late. Love hurts but forgives and it is long suffering, yet the heart hidden away behind the bars of the rib cage still beats away, hoping that time does its work (time is everything? Uhmmm! I would opine that God is everything!) The greatest thing to have has always been, will always be and is love – it does provide amelioration not amortization of wrongs and just as God says, you can never go wrong with His love. Choose to love, every time – its limits has never been determined by us anyway.

As a child and till date, one of the most fascinating skills to me has always been sculpturing and even though construction will always be a part of my life and joys (the investment part, professionally speaking), watching a stone mason utilize the mallet and the chisel on rock, concrete, granite et al always gives me some shudder as I watch the strength behind each blow and watch the sparks fly away with every little piece detaching…..I used to appreciate how blessed the object of construction or destruction or sculpture as the case may be was because it was inanimate and lacked feeling. Ironically, some events no matter how long you watch, rehearse for (if possible) can ever prepare you for the real deal. And how much truth lies in the words of J.K Rowling (Dumbledore to Potter) : ‘Numbing the pain for a while will make it feel worse when you finally feel it’ (now there goes out the window my own opinion of some current management procedures). Dystonia is like having a rambunctious ill behaved kid running wild inside you armed with a chisel whizard/hand point (and regardless of how soft the blow is or what end is used, you still must deal with the pain) and the blows are unceasing, what varies is the intensity. Some days, a blow knocks me to my knees and even in the foetal position, little or no comfort is derived. Every blow, tap sends painful reverberations through me, and it does not help that my brain also compounds the event by automatically doing what it does, sending out signals in response. Extremities are always the worst hit – cramped painful fingers, awkwardly twisted painful ankles, cervical contortions etc

Nobody loves living beside the train tracks because every time a train passes, that motion does something annoying to you – transference of kinetic energy. Now imagine living just around (beside, above, beneath) the Victoria/Euston Park station in Central London and that does not even suffice to describe the tremors brought about by the chemical imbalance in my brain. regardless of how weary I get, the tremors go on – aggravatingly attempting to counter combat the little runt with the chisel. And the usual question of scaling when it comes to pain sometimes ticks you off because you wonder why must 10 be the limit when there are greater numbers after that. On the bad days, even my muscles are weary and yet they still must react and so that in itself creates sore points in my joints, so bad that it feels like some tendons just want to snap as against continuing the compression and extension. A simple handshake feels like I have got 4 cute blue 10 lb weights strapped around my arm (and yes they look cute but they don’t feel cute) so I have opted for hugs when I can. The hugs are a better option although I still have those same weights pulling in the opposite direction of how and where my neck wants to stay, plus I have to deal with not toppling and knocking the other person down. I miss being able to do a double take and I am grateful that at best I have still got 30 degrees to 50 degrees rotation of my neck, and so when my head is tilted most times, I wish you could understand that I am not rehearsing a role for a circus performance.

Oh how I used to love bounding up the stairs like you sometimes do when you are in a hurry, instead try doing it with the diving shoes worn by Cuba Gooding Jnr in ‘Men of Honor’ during his reinstatement exam and then you would not have to look at me crazy next time when I tell you I usually do not do stairs or when I am panting after the few steps up the platform just because I have weighed the distance to the ramp and the steps are less than five. Walk with me to the ramp instead, and understand that my palm hurts frequently even with my ergonomic staff because every step is like walking through a mud slogged patch of swamp, not wading, walking. And yet I am thankful that even though I hurt every step, some days my legs take a poll and call a strike action and so I am thankful for the convenience of benches. I want to get up after the rest but there are weights anchoring my lumbar vertebrae to the chair and so forgive the wince and allow me catch my breath cos I sure cannot lay on that chair. It just does not support the specialized posture that my orthodontic bed, neck brace and pillow give me which is just one way – face up because laying on my side gives the hammer guy more time to try out music notes on my spine. When next you are wringing that dish towel dry, imagine what that would feel like if twas your spine in your hands – I do not complain and now that I am so used to synchronized medication (it could be a sport some day), it really does not help when I am so into writing that I would love to finish this piece because the medication sometimes brings relief and sometimes its just an opportunity to get more fluids into my body. Either way, I choose to abide by what I carry around and wait for another barrage of cursive prescription outlining another bouquet of medication because remember life is all about dynamism. I shake my fists in contempt at the pharmaceutical giants as they chuckle amongst themselves but I know that I can also chuckle too because it is all about who gets the last laugh. That flag flies full mast at my door, because I have not and will not succumb to dystonia, myoclonus dystonia (MD?)…..what a joke!

You think insomnia is just a fancy word or at most a figment of someone’s imagination? Try shutting your eyes in sleep in futility because your brain like mine is at full steam, each cycle processing every noise in the quiet and so I opt for the TV screen and/or the classical music from my bedside digital radio to keep my brain a  mite focused on some distraction with better options as I wait for the night time pills to kick in and even when they don’t, I am thankful for the extra time I have to do something. There is no point in wasting it because remember, God is everything and even He does not and has never worked in a manner that suits our comprehension. I choose to flip the lemons into lemonade because someone else out there could do with a drink because I know what it feels like to have a perpetually patched palate. Water comprises 70% of our body and note that we can survive longer on water than food as most people think. So I am thankful for the high metabolic rate brought about by md because I now drink more liters of water, and guess what – I have chosen to make it all fancy,  its a dash of lemon in sparkling water, my pouch of multi-coloured, varying sized capsules that comprise the accoutrement to my faith in my job at fighting md.

I have learned that we are who we are by choice, and the circumstances of our lives only shape us. Remarkably, what a responsibility that God bestows on us to always choose so make that choice wisely today. Do not celebrate dystonia because it sucks, really sucks but celebrate the fact that I and many others have chosen to and are smiling it its face and someday we all will appreciate that life as a journey is best made with wisdom. It is not just the acquisition of knowledge but the application as and when due that can be called wisdom. Now you are aware, be a positive in somebody else’s life and if perchance you have scornfully cast away a friend, relative or even a stranger because of your appalling lack of knowledge, love and faith….seize this moment because love is a decision and do not grow weary in well doing because there is a harvest accruing and God is watching over us all. He gave it all up so that we can have and give of what we have received.

Remember “I cannot change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination” – Jimmy Dean

עד שנפגש שוב בזמן שלו, לא דגל לבן הוא אי פעם הולך לתלות מהמשקוף שלי

Adios!

….your perspective?

Standard
Lift up your eyes

Looking UP

“You may not control all of the events that happen to you but you can decide not to be reduced by them” – Maya Angelou

I am fully recovered from my time with the Winchester 1200, the 91/30 Mosin Nagant amongst others and yes I am still dealing with the frosty displeasure of JOIV (for embarking on such activities, I understand and apologize) however I have and am fully committed to acknowledging that life is but a journey and today is the gift we will receive and so do what you have to do (the right things) because tomorrow you will have no regrets. Oh yeah, I do have to deal with the repercussions of subjecting this body to crossing the line that has all together become too close to me and yet I choose to go to bed each day, most times bruised and aching but nonetheless with a smile on my face.

I am still finding it extremely difficult to do an objective comparison between the health care I have received before now and the one I am receiving presently. Although the words – incurable, rare neurological disorder along side other big sounding no longer scary terms like ataxia etc, are still the same but they are delivered in such a beautiful and concerned manner that my convictions about never succumbing to whatever it is remains unmoved. I know countless many out there who either by ignorance or sheer helplessness have become victims and yet I am also acknowledging with thumbs up raised, those that have chosen to stay down in the trenches because whether the war is won or lost, you will always be a victor.

It is less than 72 hours since my last review with the wonderful medical team that I have been blessed with, and I know that whilst I may not know the length of time ahead, I am convinced that I am having and will have the best days of my life. That remains my choice and even as I battled to ease the usual anxiety that accompanies my every visit to the hospital or tried to explain to the harried nurse why she would never be able to take my blood pressure with the beautiful electronic sphygmomanometer, I steeled myself with the beautiful truths that I keep forever in my sights……surmised in the beautiful quote by Maya Angelou. Events are ceaseless and sometimes beyond our control but how these events play out is a thing that we definitely have control over.

One of the phrases/questions that has bemused me in the past days is ‘how are things looking?’ I love photography and one of the first lessons I learned was that whatever you can see in the lens is what gets captured in the picture and so when I lift up my eyes to the hills where my strength comes from (that is within my control, regardless of blepharospasm) then inadvertently everything around me has no other option but to look up. Now the picture of our lives is simply a reflection of what we have chosen to look at. Regardless of your physical and/or geographical location, perspective will always be defined by the choice you make with your eyes and your mind. Now correct me if I am wrong when I say those senses are still within your control, no matter how bad a condition you are in. I can recollect with clarity, the humorously creepy stuff we used to do whilst in high school – a friend of mine would tape his eyelids to his forehead in a bid to keep awake so as to study and would inevitably fall asleep with his eyes wide-open. Now that was a choice made!

And so even as I reminisce some of those days past gone, I realize that there were priceless lessons that have made me who I am today. Our purpose in life can only be attained when we refuse to be denigrated by whatever life throws at us because our choices, no matter how little they may be, will always count for something. Even if the FICO god has not heeded our supplications, there is One who is more than able to help us through whatever storm we are in but hold on a minute, we have to look up in earnest and in utter dependence on His ability to see us through and not just see us through but do so in such a manner that we emerge at the end (from the furnace/storm) with the best fragrance that cannot be fathomed by those who have given up on us and those who have made themselves silent spectators (#haters). 

“Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying” – Martin Luther. For me, I have learned that no one else has plans that can completely encapsulate you, so why not make something out of what and where you are today. Not just for yourself (cos that would be selfish and small) but for the benefit of the one or two that will cross paths with you. Make each day a lesson, an example for others to follow in today’s world because even in the dungeons there is hope, if only you can but lift up your eyes and so I say that being of good cheer is a choice that you can make whether your cards are maxed out, your employer has done the unthinkable, your assets have undergone a name change and the bills are billowing all around you like a discomfiting dust storm. Remember that the night may be long and seemingly unending, but discover and nurture that which has been placed in you, hold onto it because surely the day will come and then if, and only if you have sown, wait because surely there must be a harvest. That too must come……

Remember “I cannot and will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God. Amen.” – MLK

עד שנפגש שוב בזמן שלו, לא דגל לבן הוא אי פעם הולך לתלות מהמשקוף שלי

Adios!

Stripped bare……

Standard

Stripped n bare

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Admittedly, I have been yearning to get back to doing what I love best – this! however it has been a tumultuous period in the last two weeks and just when I desire to get back, something else comes up and yet still I strive to do my own little bit in the lives of the few people who I have been blessed to encounter. Now it feels like what has been dammed these past weeks just wants to gush out and that would inadvertently drown quite a few including myself and so I have to apply self-control or stand the risk of sounding like a blithering idiot. Like I have chosen to inculcate, each day is such an amazing experience whether I am down under, burdened by the travails of this medical challenge and besought by the emotional desolation that so doggedly accompanies this disorder or I am infused by the joys and beauty of life in every waking moment – I choose to make each day count because every day is a Present in itself and like a kid, I carefully unwrap it…….I cannot do otherwise anyway, being obsessively compulsive has its pros.

A few days ago, I travelled to beautiful South Yorkshire and even though travelling is wearisome and I have to make it as comfortable as possible, it is still a necessity. I actually fell in love with the region and above all I loved the fact that it was colder than London because I have learnt to accept that I am also a Super hero – Mr Exothermic, that is also one of the merits of this condition – accelerated metabolism enhanced by the regular tremors I experience, which translates to the need to be in a cooler atmosphere than most people would like. I was privileged to meet Ibrahim, Mark(s) and Hilary – sharing the stories of their own lives and the beautiful attitude they exuded even whilst doing their jobs. Such encounters make me realize that you can choose to continue to mourn what may have seemingly be lost or choose to celebrate that which you are blessed with finding each and every new day. Of course there were the ignorant ones who thought the shakes were quite amusing or those who seemed to be freaked out by my super hero outfit. All put together, it makes every day such a blessing because I know something that can never be taken away from me as long as I breathe – everything is working together for my good. Try as hard as you may, deride me, ignore me, withhold from me – I will still smile because you don’t and can never define me.

I am dedicating this piece to Carrie Ann who has finally bested dystonia and every illness, today she stands on the other side victorious and free of all disorders and disease and whilst her passing is painful but yet again it presents us with an opportunity to live our lives continually grateful that we were blessed to know her.

Amazingly, it is no news that we may be having the best winter since 1947 and honestly I look forward to it – weird or not! Every time I gaze out my window overlooking the front lawn, I am drawn to Miss Betula Lenta (the Cherry Birch tree) and as usual she stands stripped and bare as she is readied for the months in winter. To many, she has lost her beauty and appeal – gone are the chirping birds, gone are her beautiful leaves, gone are the exquisite buds…..however she still stands and teaches lessons that are priceless if only they can be grasped. If only we can but stop, dare to liberate our minds of all the meaningless junk that we have chosen to walk with and just learn, what a world of difference it will make to us as individuals and creatures of purpose. WHAT A CHANGE THAT WILL BE WHEN WE LEARN AND REALIZE THAT WE ARE FOR CREATED FOR PURPOSE!

How much I love these words ….“Let’s tell the truth to people. When people ask, ‘How are you?’ have the nerve sometimes to answer truthfully. You must know, however, that people will start avoiding you because, they, too, have knees that pain them and heads that hurt and they don’t want to know about yours. But think of it this way: If people avoid you, you will have more time to meditate and do fine research on a cure for whatever truly afflicts you.” – Maya Angelou……because humanity is like the ocean and its beauty is not defined by the few dirty drops. Walk with the few that God raises up for you when you are in need, determine not to dwell on the many that avoid you or that ignore you or worse still, the many that utter loads of balderdash and do absolutely nothing. My life, stripped and bare it may seem now is just a phase that is a precursor to the beautiful seasons ahead, and guess what, I am better off each passing day. I choose to continue to give from what I have, and whilst I may not have by the standards of many but I am so enriched each day by countless blessings that I have become attuned to appreciate even as I stand bare and stripped. And I am grateful to be stripped of all what I do not need now for this season, because it is such an awesome time to really acknowledge what I freely receive – from the new friends that prop me up each day to the lives that I can associate with despite their pain and challenges. I am thankful to be stripped of what has so long burdened me so that I can receive anew what truly counts.

I have seen seasons, experienced the lows and the highs and I have come to acknowledge without an iota of doubt that life in essence is simply a journey and each of us has a choice to make regardless of the circumstances we seem to have been thrust into unwillingly and seemingly without preparation. To realize that when we are forsaken by many,  it is yet an opportunity to be accepted by others. To acknowledge that when we are deprived by those that we thought would stand by us, it is yet an opportunity to give of what we have to those who stand alone like us and be cherished by others. To acknowledge that when we are disappointed by many, it is yet an opportunity to be a source of encouragement to another – choosing not to focus on the bleakness but painfully lift our eyes beyond and grasp the beauty of what lies just ahead. Acknowledging that when we can no more do what we used to, it is yet an opportunity to reach deep and pull out the potentials that have hitherto lain dormant within us. I choose to make the most of what I am blessed with daily, taking the taunts and the indifference and turning it inside out to be a stronger and better individual because the journey is one of endurance, perseverance and unrelenting faith in a Father who is able to perfect that which He alone began.

“How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world.” – William Shakespeare

I am ready for the winter!

lמסתדר טוב עד שניפגש שוב בזמן שלו

Adios!

Gone with the wind???….

Standard

It is 3.40am and the very walls of the house are trembling as the winds buffet everything in its path and although it may be scary for many but for me, it is yet another silent message that nothing just happens and even when we are buffeted on all sides by the winds of life, realize that there is a purpose to it and whilst in the midst of the storm, it seems inexplicably difficult to acknowledge that – get this; it does not change that truth, nothing just happens.

It is two years now since I was officially diagnosed with this gargantuan medical challenge and neurological disorder and I can assure you all that it has been a gargantuan change to my life and just like St Jude as she howls and stamps her presence, so much garbage and debris has been blown out of my life, giving me the unique privilege of having a clearer perspective to those things that I once took for granted and appreciating better the gift of the Present. Making me realize that even amidst the howling winds, there can be peace within the storm not because of what may seem to be happening all around me but because I have chosen before now to define what my foundation shall be and having the certain assurance that regardless of this 89 mph wind gusts of St Jude, my anchor holds within the storm.

I watched with keen interest as the tree that stands in the front lawn relentlessly lost her leaves and as each leaf was torn off and blown away, it seemed such a hopeless and despairing event because those leaves have been torn off from the familiarity, security, comfort of home, not by choice but by events that they certainly had no say in. However, as each leaf was borne away, it also marked the beginning and end of another season. Now as I sit in silent contemplation of all the events that have taken place in my life within the last 24 months, I can enjoy the beauty of a whimsical smile because, what a journey it has been. From the very first moments, the words ‘rare and incurable’ were uttered by Adrian Casey, it has been a tumultuous journey. I recall the nights when the rumblings of my stomach were loud enough to be heard on the phone during international calls – not because they were symptoms of a movement disorder but from sheer hunger. I can remember the despondency I felt, the isolation, the many unanswered questions, the bleakness of the present then…..

Today as I yet again share my heart, I am thankful for the winds of St Jude that threatened at times to overwhelm me but that have unerringly blown me across the many paths of the beautiful people I can call friends today. I thank God for the times all the flights and trains were grounded (for safety reasons which I could not appreciate then), for the atrocious conditions that forced me to force my way forward, head down and scarf lifted with limited visibility, with nothing but just my faith and the infallible truth that I was created for a purpose and a much grander reason than I may have been able to imagine then. I have had my very moorings almost blown away, my foundations shaken, veneers of a past life peeled away painfully, exposed to the elements with nothing to seemingly live for. I have experienced the deepest betrayals by those I chose to have looked up to, been cast aside in derision like an old rag doll, ignored by those whom I weakly reached out for some assistance. I have experienced the depths of isolation and loneliness, cast and borne by the winds of change, away from what I called security and home before now. I have lost all that could be lost, shed tears from acute physical, mental and emotional pain but I am still standing today – what a journey it has been indeed.

Ironically St Jude according to Catholicism, is the saint for the hopeless and the despairing and how appropriately named is today’s windstorm. I have come to realize that each time I experience these storms, there is a better future awaiting me and I will always choose to believe that since I am still with breath, then I am but stronger in all aspects. Without these winds, I will not be doing this. Without these winds, I will not be blessed with the friends that I have made. Without these winds, I will not be who I am today and I know that I can never be gone with the winds because the winds are here just to move me to a better place and the stronger they are, the further and better a location I am getting to. The stronger it blows, the more unique individuals I get to come across albeit for a brief period of time and so I have learned to make every moment count because all I have is the now and so I have chosen to make everyone count. Now I can truly appreciate how blessed I am to be surrounded on all sides by a family defined not by blood but by the vicissitudes of life and the awesome realization that God alone rules over the affairs of men and therefore there is a purpose to everything.

I count myself blessed to be able to say ‘it has not been by strength or by might but by the provisions of a God whose love is so real and sincere’. I choose to lift my face in the winds, with my legs spread apart and my staff firmly held and just breathe words of thanksgiving for a journey that is bringing me to my expected end. For the lives that I have had the privilege of passing through, for the lives that have inspired me and been inspired by mine – no truer experience is worth reliving and despite the downs (countless they may have seemed then), the ups will forever be etched in my life. And whilst like a Lone Ranger it has seemed many times, I am truly grateful for the Tontos that have accompanied me each phase of this windstorm. I am thankful for the lesson that has taught me to understand that ‘
encountered the most profound of moments and learned that life is like a coin, pleasure and pain are the two sides. Only one side is visible at times but remember that the other side is waiting for its turn to be visible.

And even as silence and calm precedes a fresh burst of wind, I have come to acknowledge that it is only the cowardly and foolish who believe that just because difficulties differ in intensity then they are immune to their own storms, however the wise use these moments of calm to hurriedly reach out and grasp a floundering arm, a struggling life and make a significant impact. Nothing lasts for ever and so dig deep and press on, for this storm is just for a season. You can choose to complain that roses have thorns or rejoice that thorns have roses, the choice is always yours to make. And as I wrap up this, I am thankful for you all that have been willing to share this journey with me and glad for the opportunity to have been bold enough to share it with you.

“I believe in going with the flow. I don’t believe in fighting against the flow. You ride on your river and you go with the tides and the flow. But it has to be your river, not someone else’s. Everyone has their own river, and you don’t need to swim, float, sail on their’s, but you need to be in your own river and you need to go with it. And I don’t believe in fighting the wind. You go and you fly with your wind. Let everyone else catch their own gusts of wind and let them fly with their own gusts of wind, and you go and you fly with yours.” – C. JoyBell C.

Remember that we are all creatures of purpose and pleasure, make every moment count because now is all you have – yesterday is gone and tomorrow is yet to come.

lמסתדר טוב עד שניפגש שוב בזמן שלו

Adios!

Keeping it real…..

Standard

I hate travelling but again that is a necessary evil. A complete turn around from my pre-myoclonus era where travelling was so much fun and one of my hobbies. Anyway, life is not fair because life in itself has been tarnished and tainted and still is and so just being yourself is one of the most difficult challenges you can ever dare to undertake. I recall the tale of the tale of the simple lady who was invited for lunch at the Queen’s request on account of her widespread gestures of concern for everyone she ever came across, and when she was interviewed on what set of manners she intended to display during the courtesy lunch, her answer has always been one of my fundamental principles “I have only got one set of manners and that is who I am“…..impressively profound. In the course of my travels, I have come to acknowledge that life is much more than an endless pursuit of fame and wealth and recognition, a concept I wholeheartedly abhor but one that appeals to majority of individuals – ‘it is all about the green backs!’.

Being cast into the physically challenged category has been an eye opener in many regards and a completely new field of learning for me. I have come to appreciate that being able to do anything at all is something worth being proud of, so pause today, take stock of your abilities (regardless of how little they may seem) and say a word of thanks to Him that has blessed you. I recollect the many times I have been forced to take a large dose of patience pills just because insensitivity abounds and is largely becoming a second skin to many individuals, waiting on board many an aircraft whilst all passengers disembark just because I have special needs and being subjected to hurtful and derisive looks and remarks because we have largely refused to be human in our everyday living. And now, I know that wherever I meet any individual striving with some form of physical challenge, I choose to pause and salute their bravery because being yourself without any form of inhibitions is difficult enough without adding on some form of physical challenge.

Each new day is filled with its own share of troubles but remember that even when life throws the kitchen sink at you and knocks you out, wake up with the courage to still be yourself but duck next time where you can. “Sometimes it is just easier to tell a stranger than to tell the people you are close to. The freedom of speech is my liberation from solitude and if you should take that negatively or with annoyance then that’s on you to look the other way” – Nicole Hill. I have come to realize that so many of us are absolutely terrified of even attempting to discover who we really are and so my question is if you are scared to define or know who you are then what business do you have at attempting every other thing because life consists of not just knowing who you are but being bold enough to stay true to who you are. I may not have been born a quadriplegic but even if I were, that is not who I am. People ask me a lot if I was born this way, and amidst my answer lies this truth – I was born for a purpose and I dare anything to make me believe otherwise. Behind my smile, lies a whole lot of pain and an unappealing  bouquet of other discomforts but I choose to still be myself irrespective of how unfair life may seem presently.

Today marks a new beginning, and I walk in that knowledge knowing that even in chaos, God can work out order and harmony. Vacillating between many personas just goes to show how shallow your understanding of life is because as long as you fail to accept yourself for who you were made to be then yours will just be a charade for people with understanding to learn from. Each time the dime drops, I dare to bend over and pick it up even if it means exposing my backside for life to kick me over but guess what, you still have the dime in your hands so pick yourself up and do something with what you have got in your hand. Desire to dream but do something with what you have now and stay true to who you are. Many extraordinary individuals have opted to jettison their right to choose to be themselves for the sake of a life of pretense and despair in order to maintain a facade that hides sheer cowardice and stagnancy. Always realize that ‘No matter what you do in life, your words, your actions, your looks, your thoughts, you are never going to please everyone’ – Nishan P. so what is the point in embarking on a fruitless venture when you have a unique life ahead of you?

I am constantly stunned by the sheer audacity of individuals who are hell-bent on trying to be what the world wants them to be – by choice of career, relationship etc, many are actually skilled at blaming others for daring them to be themselves, hurling and trading insults every time you scratch their fake veneer. – because if only they could channel just a mite of that energy into discovering who they are then maybe, just maybe we will find ourselves being more loving, more accommodating and more sensitive to the lives all around us. For every time, we choose to make our lives more meaningful by doing those little ‘grand’ gestures to those around us, what a doorway of anticipation and self-development opens up for us. I will never know what it means to be perfect just yet but what I know is that I can be myself despite my aspiration for perfection someday and choose to make my own life an example for as many as I come across. That is my watchword even when the days seem so lonely and my journey unending, I will stay true to who I am.

I have to live with myself and so 
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as days go by,
always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don’t want to stand with the setting sun 
and hate myself for the things I have done.
I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf 
a lot of secrets about myself 
and fool myself as I come and go 
into thinking no one else will ever know 
the kind of person I really am, 
I don’t want to dress up myself in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect 
I want to deserve all men’s respect;
but here in the struggle for fame and wealth 
I want to be able to like myself. 
I don’t want to look at myself and know that 
I am bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know, 
I never can fool myself and so, 
whatever happens I want to be 
self-respecting and conscience free.

These beautiful words from Edgar Albert Guest, painstakingly learnt and memorized in High school are forever etched in my memory. Make today count because that is all we each have got, and be mindful that when you do, you can cherish them tomorrow.

lמסתדר טוב עד שניפגש שוב בזמן שלו

Adios!

 

Just Wait…..

Standard
image

Roxie…..

Right now, I feel like I was run over by a 30-ton Mack Truck. Struggling severely with insomnia and it does not look like I am getting the edge, was up till about 3am. The weather forecast was as usual spot-on; Rained all through the wee hours of the morning but it is a welcome development even though some say London rains are pesky and annoying. For me, really wish I could dance in the rain especially after the blistering summer and the almost unbearable heat. The consistent tremors ensure that I would be a perfect cast for the role of a super hero “Mr Exothermic” – that is one of the pros of Myoclonus. I am really considering having a yard sale for my thermal wear because I have gotten so used to my favourite birthday suit.

Anyway I had to go see my chiropractor again and twas yet another mixed session, he did comment on my fatigue level and emphasised the need for sleep (as though I enjoy not being able to sleep) however we both share the same opinion regarding most doctors and their appalling lack of honesty and professionalism. But this is not the real reason for getting onto my trusty companion – I had a mind-blowing encounter and that is what I want to share, and the lessons I learnt in the space of about 15 minutes on my way back home.

I love dogs, have always done regardless of the size and breed (although my predilection is for the huge ones). I would say that as a kid growing up, my best friend was Snoopy and even though he was not the real deal for whatever reasons (I guess pets were not really allowed in our rented house back then) but he taught me what loyalty meant. With each tug on his leash, he would roll behind me – tail wagging and droopy ears moving up and down. He was supposed to be a retriever anyway. He is still alive somewhere, missing a wheel or two but still unflinching in his loyalty. I am so proud that my little princess is also fond of dogs too. H.W Shaw captures it perfectly thus “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.”

image

Snoopy and I

As I made my way across the road to catch the 364, I met Roxie and it was like love at first sight, as she waited with her beautiful brown eyes and sleek black hair just outside the pharmacy. Seated on her haunches on the wet ground attached by her leash to the gate stand. She sure had one of the gentlest eyes and with just a brief glance at me, she continued her vigil and I did not need to watch Dynamo Impossible to realise  that her owner was in the pharmacy. Eyes fixed unwavering at the door of the pharmacy, head cocked as she looked through the glass plate window and just a brief glance at anyone who passed near – she waited and waited and waited.

Just as any real dog lover would, my heart went out to her because with each opening of the door, I also waited with expectation (it was so infectious) and still she sat on her haunches. No straining, no whining, just that blind unwavering watching and waiting that only dogs can express so sincerely. And so, I was not in a rush anyway, I waited with her – my heart going out to her as the slight rain persisted and yet Roxie waited. After a couple of minutes, I became apprehensive that there was a possibility she had been forgotten and so I made my way carefully (body aching as usual) into the pharmacy just to help her confirm that her waiting was not in vain.

With bated breath I approached the door, just as the ‘last’ customer (from my point of view) exited and as I made my way in, heading for the visibly empty counter, I saw two ladies at the far end of the shop. It was such a moment of relief which further blossomed as I heard the words “could you please hurry up, I’ve got my dog waiting outside”  What a thrill those words represented to me and as I exited the pharmacy, I whispered to Roxie “She’ll soon be out.” Taking a vantage point at the bus stop, knowing that the next bus would require me spending another 12 minutes, I watched with a wide grin as Roxie’s owner (Tracy) emerged and she leaped up with joy – finally the wait was over. I boarded the bus and together we each made our way home .

image

Tracy & Roxie – the wait is over

Funny how those few minutes gave me an entirely new perspective regarding my struggle with Myoclonus. Roxie couldn’t read but she trusted that she was left outside for reasons unknown to her but known to Tracy. She continued waiting even in the slight rain because that was what Tracy asked her to do. She waited, confident in the fact that no matter how long it took, Tracy would re-emerge and they would both go home. She didn’t make a fuss about the conditions outside, she just waited – eyes fixed on the door through which Tracy had disappeared. She couldn’t have heard Tracy urging the pharmacist to hurry up and yet she waited.

Most of us would have given up the wait, hey! the ground was wet. We do not know why we are in this situation but we dare not give up because it is but for a season. Yes, the sleepless nights, the incessant tremors, the annoying independence of our neurological system, the indiscreet whispers and stares thrown our way, the look of indifference and nonchalance we encounter from those around us, the unwillingness to help…..the list is endless, sometimes we just wanna scream ‘I have had enough of this’ but guess what? Let us still wait because He’s in there (though we may not see Him or even acknowledge Him) working out things for our good. As I rode home on the bus, I muttered some words of thanks to Roxie for teaching me to wait.

We did not choose to have a rare neurological disorder (who would) but let us remember that we were born for a reason and purpose and presently, the ground beneath us is so wet and uncomfortable, we are cold and seemingly alone and abandoned but let us learn from Roxie to just wait because it is merely for a season and regardless of how long the season seems to last, someday, it is gonna end – one way or another and then we will make our way home joyfully. Every memory of the long wait and the bad seasons encountered in our sojourn, eclipsed by the joy of the reassurance that we are truly loved by the only One that really matters the most. And that as long as we just wait, eyes fixed where it matters the most, casting but brief glances to the distractions that  want to take our attention away then we can rest assured that we will inevitably finish as victors.

Remember that ours is not a life of mere existence but one of purpose,, so let us choose wisely and just wait.

lמסתדר טוב עד שניפגש שוב בזמן שלו

Adios!

 

Catching The Glimpse…..

Standard

Oh my! Spent last night counting down the hours as I sought the very elusive sleep but that is not the point behind my getting on to my keypad. Yesterday morning I did something that was completely out of character for me.  Mind you, I had a torrid week – frequent bouts of sciatica, each one seemingly more severe than the other and even immediately after my hurriedly scheduled session with my favourite chiropractor and friend, I was almost scissored in two as I was hit by another bout however I guess that is how the proverbial cookie crumbles. Life is consistent in its assigned task of the gradual process of crumbling cookies, whichever way the cookie does stand, someday it gets crumbled – an inevitable end! But in the words of Martin Luther King Jnr “Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man (situation/dystonia/FMD) can’t ride you unless your back is bent.” (emphasis mine)

And so as I yet again dealt with the arduous task of putting on my shoes (I am particular about that task because it certainly brings to bear all the control I can muster up just to perform that seemingly routine everyday chore), I decided to switch on my cute iBush HD television to distract my mind from the associated pains. And I had a mind-blowing experience as I listened to Oprah on Super Soul Sunday hosting popular American motivational speaker, Iyanla Vanzant and as I listened to her story, there were certain nuggets that hit me in the right place and made me catch that glimpse that we all need sometimes in our lonely sojourn down paths that we would never have chosen if we were given the chance to choose. I pushed aside the pain and straightened my back regardless of the tremors and intense pain along my spine because whether we choose to accept it or not, He speaks to us every moment – the question is what we have chosen to listen to.

We are blessed on all sides by gifts but most times we are not prepared to receive those gifts even when we are handed those gifts in hand. And there again, I am compelled to return to my choice subject – chance versus choice. All of us are given the chance to make an opportunity of our lives, whether we choose to acknowledge that we have been created to live a life and not solely existing for the reason of being a statistic in global population. That is an express manifestation of whatever choices we make because the chances will continue to inundate us on all sides and even as I trudge through this tunnel, I choose to catch a glimpse of the hope and rest that awaits me – knowing that every day brings a ray of hope that the cobwebs of depression can do nothing about. I look around me and I see countless others who are struggling with their own pains and hurts and I choose to realise that I can set mine aside and help them realise that in each of our darkest hours, nothing can stop the light from piercing through but it is our choice to catch that glimpse and move on or succumb to the gloom that so eagerly desires to clutch us in its embrace of cold hopelessness and depression.

“Each days dawn is like a recurrence of the first act of the Creation as if again a decree had gone forth: Let there be light. And as the earth whirls on its orbit, there sweeps westward a band of brightness, fringed by the half-light of daybreak. The suns rays, themselves all energy, bring new energy to every living thing.” – Anon E. Moss

And so each new day, I choose to wait and catch that glimpse of light, confident in the knowledge that as long as there is a ray then the whole essence of creation is and can at some moment in our existence be awash with the fullness of the light that so clearly illuminates our weaknesses, resentments, hurts, anguish, betrayals and gives us that blissful opportunity to choose to be born anew shedding all that so easily besets us and forging on with the sparkle renewed in our eyes and hope in our hearts that we can be of some assistance to just that one person who like so many of us have chosen to be swept along the rapid currents of life, not even taking a moment to appreciate the fineries and beauty of creation. I have spent many a nights, tossing in agony trying so anxiously to tell myself that pain is not synonymous with birth. But the truth remains that there must be labour pangs before something more beautiful is birthed.

Not giving in to the crushing weight of helplessness, so graciously expressed by the ignorance of many a physicians but realising that we can choose not to allow our backs be bent by whatever assails us. I was recently discussing with my friend, Mwenya and we both agreed that the time for change is not to be determined for us by anyone but that  the catalyst for change lies deep within us. Regardless of the hordes that trudge past us daily as we struggle with this elusive disorder, nobody can stop us from catching that glimpse associated with each new day. Putting aside the neighing of many, as they pretentiously whisper the usual words devoid of any sincerity and warmth, I acknowledge the few who despite their inability to fully comprehend what FMD is, still yet stand by, pledging their availability whenever the storms almost overwhelm me. I know that it is not about the path most travelled, it is about the courage to walk your own path and dare to be yourself. Pulling myself by my shoe strings and accepting that on each new section of this journey, there will always be just a few out there cheering me on. I admit that I will accept those few gifts, whispered in hushed tones and discreet gestures, knowing that each life I meet – there is something to pass on.

I realise that as the darkness swirls overhead, nothing can blot out that glimpse of hope and like many a sailors, perched on the wreckage of their vessels peering through the fog, someday I too with triumphant voice will loudly proclaim these words “LAND AHEAD! I have reached my destination” and whilst battered and bruised my body might be, my spirit is aflame with hope that victory is certain and sure. “I am well aware of the toil and blood and treasure that it will cost to maintain this liberty, and support and defend what has been so fiercely obtained. Yet through all the gloom I can see the rays of ravishing light and glory. I can see that the end is worth more than all the means.”

Remember, to live a life or simply exist is a choice that must be made, nonetheless the fact is we were created for purpose.

פרידה עד שנפגש שוב בתזמון שלו עצמו

Adios!

My Journey (3)

Standard

20130809-171959.jpg

A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam that flashes across his mind from within, more than the luster of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his own thought, because it is his. In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts as they come back to us with a sort of alienated majesty. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

A couple of days back, I had reason to share my thoughts and blog with a friend and his response was in the same words as quoted above. I realise with a degree of nostalgia that I had always believed that writing has and will always be the best form of expression for the heart and whilst many may yet dream of their own moment of fame, deep within, the beauty of who you were made to be lies dormant and unused. Till that very cataclysmic event, causing you to reassess your values and priorities, occurs. That sadly remains the scenario of many of us, scurrying around doing all sorts of activities and yet neglecting the very one purpose that defines us.

I have decided to take some form of hiatus from all doctors, after my last appointment (if it could be termed that) and generally take a brief interlude from all the arrogance that usually emanates from the utterances and attitudes of many a doctors. Notwithstanding the frequent bouts of unceasing pain, relentless in its companionship or the despondency that looms above like the sword of Damocles, I tell myself even with gritted teeth that life devoid of trials would be a life un-lived and that for every season, there is a beginning and an end. But most importantly, even in the midst of all this, my anchor holds within the storm.

A smile creases the corners of my mouth as I recall the essential tremors back in my childhood that became the butt of many jokes after Parkinson’s Syndrome became a celebrity riding on the fame of men like Mohammed Ali et al. Almost imperceptible at first but as the years progressed, silently it stuck, increasing in intensity as I plied through life seeking that elusive Golden Fleece. Undeterred by lack of adequate health care, suffering the many incidences and accidents that characterise the life of a growing male, still I ploughed through, making the best of every task assigned to me, striving for the idealism that I held in my heart. Acknowledging that this life was but a journey, and with unflinching faith as my companion, I persisted through the emotional upheavals and traumas that assailed me. Made my share of wrong decisions, stood by my beliefs and waded through the filth of betrayal, allbeit on my own.

Today I stand, still undeterred but convinced that no man can go it on his own – I know that I have a purpose and with each new day that dawns, help will never be lacking. I have been blessed by countless everyday heroes, ordinary individuals like me who despite their constraints and medical challenges can still tell their story of inspiration. I applaud the lives of those who have and are still standing with me through this tumultuous period, sacrificing their very own resources – unfazed by the seemingly helplessness of their own efforts. I also applaud the lives of those who choose to watch with disdain from the sidelines, hoping that this ship will go down but I appreciate you for giving me the will to go on. I do acknowledge that for every success, there must be a multitude of witnesses and so to you, I say, watch and grasp the opportunity to make the right choices whilst you still can because time waits for no man. There will never be a white flag hoisted from the bows of this ship, that I can assure you.

I have withstood the isolation of separation from LBJ and the solitude of pain, learning to utilise the gifts within me and to humbly receive immeasurable amounts of grace sufficient for each day. Learnt not to be too proud to ask for a hand and not to be too tenacious to cling unto that which has lost its essence. No man is indispensable but there is but One in whom my anchor holds and regardless of how stormy the gales be, my anchor holds within the storm. Regaling myself with this hiatus, I know that it is not the utterances of man that will define me but the truth spoken once and heard daily in the tweeting of the birds every morning, in the stillness of the afternoon and in the coolness of the evening breeze accompanied by the twinkling of a million stars held in their place by Him. Now I know that for every step of this journey, I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly trust the Cornerstone.

It may take a million words or just a few words, but my voice will be heard as I proclaim this truth, there can be no hopelessness as long you are not afraid to hope. I do have appointments next week but I keep them not because therein lies the solution but because I know that they are means to an inevitable end and you can fly if only you believe. It is never too late to unshackle yourself from that which has kept you bound all this years, and simply believe that you were made for such a noble purpose, so noble that you alone were made for it and even as we number each day, the lives that have come and gone, let our decision be “I choose to live a life of purpose irrespective of what life tosses along my path”.

Remember, ours is not merely a life of existence but one to be lived.

פרידה עד שנפגש שוב בתזמון שלו עצמו

Adios!

Behind the Shroud…

Standard

20130731-161939.jpg

Seated comfortably in the cozy reception of the Chelsea Consulting Rooms, I resist the urge to make my way slowly but steadily to the park and just lay my weary body down. Had another nice session with my pain physiotherapist and with three appointments scheduled for today, it’s one down and two to go. What better way to spend the moments in between than to chronicle my thoughts about my continued battle with FMD, generalised or myoclonus dystonia – many names to this elusive foe that continues to elude the best of experts and yet cunningly ceaselessly pummels our bodies. Each day, gratefully received with thanksgiving and an undeterred view to conquering and triumphing regardless of the shortcomings of medical science.

Over the last week, I have encountered a crop of unique individuals who unknowingly have given me something new to hold onto whilst contemplating the old and the present. Boisterous Dee who has been a friend from outta the blues but from same origins, a triple feathered hat adorning her beautiful crown and an amazing personality – not battling alongside many of us but she still stands out. Roxy who has shown such feistiness in her own battle, determined not to give into the apprehensive future unknowingly created by many medical experts and a worthy ally in this fight. Pam who has doggedly continued in the paths of her parents, not focussing on her struggles with this foe but determining to change the world one person at a time. Debbie and Jamil, empathetic and yet cheering me on in this battle, the list goes on…….You may now understand how special this past week has been.

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” Harvey Fierstein can’t have put my stance more aptly. Dealing within the last few days with a tumultuous aftermath of a wonderful barbecue, working past a severe bout of sciatica and intense aggravating pain, watching bemusingly as my fore finger insists on differentiating itself from the rest of my fingers…..the list goes on and on. This battle goes on, each day defining itself by the little steps of successes achieved despite the irritating restraints occasioned by a neurological system wanting to be independent, I refuse to be bullied into silence neither will I become a victim because “when I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.”- E. Bombeck

One thing stands clear even with my wonderful team of consultants, each adopting an approach that’s most comfortable with them, this is a personal battle and there can only be one victor……Me. Regardless of the diverse approaches, there is a limit to the extents to which we can unravel the mysteries of the human body and its complex systems. What lies behind the shroud concealing the answers to our numerous unanswered questions will definitely be unimaginable and whilst we yet struggle with our puny attempts to understand, time passes on and the question we should ask is how best can we make use of this inevitably scarce resource called time. Continue to be fazed and depressed when individuals like us can’t provide the answers we seek or channel our time and talent towards improving the life of just that one person at a time. My choice has been made, there will be no white flag across my door. I will stay in the trenches until I’m out of ammunition and even when I have run out, I choose to lift my eyes up and exploit the inexhaustible supplies available to each of us.

This is yet another clarion call to my friends and fellow warriors, as long as breath remains, there is yet work to be done. Remember that the best way to triumph over your weaknesses and frailties is to assist another with theirs and even when the attempt is rebuffed, be glad you made the effort because in the effort lies victory. The bills may be overwhelming, the pain a constant nuisance but acknowledge that there’s a reason for every season and whilst we may yet not comprehend the reason, acknowledge it is a season and plug in those talents – each of us complete with a unique set…….for what a tale of misery and woe if we choose to allow those talents to waste because it is better to wear out than to rust.

I have to dash (not literally) across for my next appointment but I will remain valiant because that is my choice. Nothing is going to brow beat me into forced submission, my voice will be heard not in tales of woes and misery (the world is sad enough) but in a tale of triumphant victory that despite it all, I conquered and triumphed. Many will come across my path as I will, across many and knowing fully well that in life, we meet to part and part to meet, I want to make those brief moments count. It has never been about the numbers and never will but for the very few that choose to stand alongside me, I raise my hat to you for together we will chart a path of hope, victory and legacies for generations unborn.

Remember, we were made to live and not exist.

פרידהעדשנפגששובחבריםיקרים

Adios!