Failing to learn

Everyday just before writing, I stare at the blank page before me, say a prayer that the finished canvas will have a message for at least one person. That I presume is the desire of every creator. For at the end of all things, God rested because what He had created was pleasing to His eyes and mind you, what other authority or standard supersedes His. It has been a glorious month for me, and no I have not been scheduled for Deep Brain Surgery neither have I been rid of Myoclonus but I marvel with each new day taking full cognizance of the fact that somebody somewhere did not have that opportunity and so I know that every new day is a second chance for me. To make a better today than I did yesterday, and knowing that there just might be no tomorrow and so what better gift than to have the opportunity to create our tomorrow today regardless of whether we will be the main character or not.

This morning, as I knelt down in humble supplication and gratitude, it hit me that I just might not have asked God for a better playbook because in all of my prior failings, I have truly learned something that I will never forget……and that is in the effort lies victory. My next neurological review is in a couple of weeks and whilst I still struggle with more medication, each newer than the other, the pains and the battle still rages on but I look around me and what a multitude of friends and angels I have all around me. My heart goes out unflinchingly to JOIV who without an iota of doubt has been in the dumps with me all the step of the way. Every phase of this unending war, standing shoulder to shoulder with me and even hoisting me up when I could no longer do that anymore. Standing out, head and shoulders above everyone else and marking her place with more than just a gesture of love be it in the form of a massage when my back screamed out from unrelenting excruciating bouts of sciatica or a cheer for every little improvement.

Now I want to give honor to this very special person, who despite the failings of the past represents to me more than what a champion does. Holding on when it all seemed needless to just because of a conviction born in days past. Now I have a second chance and I bet you that I will die trying to make it the best shot I can muster even if the odds are stacked against me, because it is simply untrue, we are responsible for what we choose to make of our lives and the odds will always be stacked against us, so quit complaining and listing all the demerits of your present circumstances. Delve deep and realize that just as there is night and day, good and evil, beauty and ashes, there will always be merits and demerits but the choice on which to dwell on will forever be yours to make. I reminiscence with loads of nostalgia of the days gone and the failings I made and with stunning clarity, I realize that I am who I am today because I failed in the past and what better lessons than learning not to make the same mistakes again. That can surmise a successful life in all reality, just accept that you will make mistakes when you try, and you will not learn when you do not try.

Now I have failed on countless occasions, some still bring a twinge of sadness but today I realize that just like building bricks strewn across a muddy patch, each failing stirred up some resolve not to get all mucked up and bogged down but to aspire to each new stone and a greater distance from where I all began. With every gentle word of encouragement by JOIV, every whispered cheer, every rousing prayer and an inexplicable belief in me, I can stand today confident in the fact that I will never be alone anymore and although the storms will rage and the clouds loom, this is me – triumphant and stronger than I could ever have imagined. Prior to now, I believed that the recipe for fulfillment was in aspiring to attain some self-imposed goal but I beg to differ because it has never been and will never be all about YOU, it is about giving back from the much that you have received and that is a lesson I learn each waking day. Walking this path with a choice made, not with the trappings of the world’s definition of success but in the full realization that even when we fall, we cover more ground than we would have just standing with nose uplifted. But we must acknowledge that the road to success and perfection is inevitably strewn with huge boulders and till we appreciate each fall and sit, ponder and inculcate the lessons from each fall, we can not continue.

Today marks the beginning of the best days of my life and they are not measured by how much pain I feel each day or the incessant regime of pills that I have to take daily, the regular visits to the chiropractor et al, it is simply because i HAVE CHOSEN TO BE HAPPY REGARDLESS OF ALL ELSE. Nobody deserves happiness better than me and as I am blessed each day with life and opportunities to meet countless others, this is my message to you too, choose happiness because nobody else can make a better choice than you. Accept that there are falls that you must make but yank yourself up and be thankful for the fall because now you know what not to do when the next similar scenario rears up again. Now that to me is success.

I dare you to make a success from every fall and watch the countless #haters who will come clamoring for you with their faces all puckered up from eating the bile of their hateful words. Do something different, teach them because that is our purpose anyway and pray that we will have done something astonishing with the very short time we had.

lמסתדר טוב עד שניפגש שוב בזמן שלו

Adios!