Tag Archives: transition

Gratitude?……Yes!

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Undeniably it’s been rather tumultuous times recently however sometimes the joys we seek is not a thing but a process; the process of letting go because it is when we let go that we are able to see.

Today makes it 8 years, I encountered an amazing individual; funny, charming, intelligent and creative. He’s become one of the reasons to encourage me to keep going on even when the storms are at their worst. When the little glimmer of the skies are completely eclipsed by the darkness of the storm, he can still make me laugh and realize that there’s more joy in the process regardless of what’s going on. His childlike faith and compassion is worth learning from.

Gratitude

I don’t know what you’re going through however I do know that pulling the plug is not something that is an option because a thief is one who takes something that isn’t theirs without getting permission to. I don’t think ‘it’s better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission..’applies here. Somethings are sacrosanct; our lives are gifts from The Creator and the only way we express our gratitude to Him is by the way we live our lives so rest assured suicide is not an option. I promise you! There is no adroit weaving of words that can justify not being intentional in our lives or choosing to end it.

I like shoes, one of the few things that I can still like….it’s a choice too; to like or not to like. Yesterday presented me with another option to grab that lungful of air that will keep me alive whilst I’m submerged by life’s unpredictable waves. And yet again I must apologize for not being faithful doing this, I am still flawed and imperfect in more ways than I would want to know. There’s a generational transition currently taking place and it is inevitable because life must go on and in order for that continuity to occur, there has to be that anguish that’s associated with losing a parent or parents (whichever does apply to you). In that anguish, some of the best things are learned! I promise you that as a parent, it is so much better to be buried by a child than to bury a child.

In times of war, parents bury their kids however in times of peace, children bury their parents. Let that simmer in for just a tad; we all crave some peace whether it be publicly or privately. Having veered off, I’m redirecting. With more than one, comes the need for choice and sometimes choosing can be a pain, that for me is one reason I don’t like shopping or eating alone. Yesterday I met Dwayne as I made my way to the neurologist for a sleep deprived EEG and I realized that I have been lacking in my expression of gratitude. A fellow ex-trucker, he made the few minutes we spent together, nostalgic and yet humorous because while I vacillate between what shoes to wear (and usually seek help), he doesn’t have to because he’s an amputee so now I thank God for both my feet and then my shoes.

I’m grateful that I am able to see a doctor because I can appreciate what he and his team do for me. The years of preparation, just for lil ‘ole me. I’m grateful for my medication because it gives me some respite from this horrendous journey as well as the opportunity to say thank you to the pharmacist who spent all those years and money studying to become one, just to help me. I’m grateful for the time in the valley because at least I have a tent and can extend a hand to those who are homeless. I’m grateful that I’ve never been homeless because sleeping in a car is better than sleeping under a bridge.

Hospitality

Honestly, I said this was going to be brief however now there’s so much to be grateful for and so I’m grateful for you, sacrificing the time to read this. It is tough however it’s easier to act like an entitled (I just don’t like that word but oh well…) buffoon than pause and take stock of what you have and don’t have. Vulnerability demands that we be true to ourselves in order to trust the process and also be thankful for the process. I wasn’t singularly close to my mother however it’s been 3 years since she passed and I still miss her so much. 5 days ago would have been my parents 50th wedding anniversary; my mom’s up in heaven and my dad is battling dementia however I’m thankful for all their sacrifices because we might not have made Forbes list but they instilled in me, self confidence and much more than can be bought with money.

I’m not grateful for dystonia however I choose to be thankful on the journey because I have encountered and built a home filled with remarkable individuals. The storm rages on however I’m grateful because I know someday it’s going to end and what an expectation and hope that’s being built with each new day. I choose gratitude every day, whether it be in letting go of something or someone or in being hospitable to a stranger because I know therein lies yet another opportunity to touch a life with no condition attached and no guarantee of reciprocity.

And so I dare you to choose gratitude, and let’s see where the cards fall.

עד שניפגש שוב, יהי רצון שהפנים שלו יזרחו בטובך!

Adieu!

In the waiting room…(1)

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No shortcuts

2yrs to the day, my mom passed from here to the other side where time ceases to exist. A side where the hope of eternity is finally made manifest. Devoid of drama, pain, disappointment and anguish, what could come close to comparing. She’s gone and yet a piece of her remains, not to spite us but hopefully to guide us through memories created together and shared. I am a Christian and come what may, I pray the first words out of my heart in every situation is “I want to give thanks to my personal Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” Now just before you rush off in righteous indignation, my choice is to thank Him IN (not FOR) EVERY situation.

So today just seemed like a good day to get back into the saddle, having been incommunicado for like forever, and for that I apologize. And in retrospect, a tea party can be better than writing a dirge depending on what the outcome is. Again, much wisdom is learned in the house of adversity. This is me taking back what’s left of my life and pushing away the depression that so eagerly awaits, ready to submerge me in a litany of woes. It never really is about how much you have but what you do with what you have that counts, and I’m talking about the long run, people!

There are no waiting rooms for short cuts, and it’s the waiting room experience that I’m going to dwell on just a tad longer than a pensive note in a musical drama. It’s been a long time and still I am unaware of where or when the end will come however instead of just passing away time dwelling on frivolous tasks, I need to apply one of my own lessons – there’s truly nothing as frustrating as spending energy on stuff that’s beyond my control. So with each new day, I am thankful that God’s not done with me yet.

A couple of days ago, I came across the well documented story of the exodus of the chosen people (God’s very own) from Egypt. This isn’t the first time I’m reading it but something was just different. There are mysteries to the life we are passing through that will never be understood. It’s a mystery that some have already been foredestined for destruction, why? I don’t know however I know I’m not one even though every waft of breeze seems to have a contrary opinion. So, here’s the most powerful leader that existed at that time and for some mysterious reason (which in this context was God hardening his heart), he just refused to see reason.

Now I’m talking about a rod turning into a snake (and for those of us who understand that there’s more to life than meets the eye), you can sit back and say other rods too turned into snakes…..but hold on just a second longer; the rod now a snake swallows up the other snakes and then returns to being a rod. No girth added, even after swallowing up other ‘ro…snakes’. Now that sure would catch even my attention but not Pharaoh’s. That snake exercise was just one of several extraordinary events – water turning into blood, frogs competing with the entire populace for space, painful boils, flies and still Pharaoh was unperturbed. Just another day in the office? Now permit me to interject this, “woe to anyone who decides to be God’s adversary”……there’s no coming back from the dead on that one.

And then it strikes home, his son (the heir apparent) is recalled by His Maker and then suddenly, it’s no more a negotiation exercise. Rather it is about how fast can you get out of our land so we may have some appearance of peace and stability? Now I truly can relate to the next part, those who had been marginalized and oppressed for centuries, left richer than they could ever have imagined. They were ‘paid’ to leave and then right after their exit, Pharoah as though waking up from a trance, asks himself, “what have I done?”. For me, the uniqueness of the situation, is that there was no history of mental illness on Pharaoh’s part and so I would categorize that question as being rhetorical.

So as most would, he reacts to the situation by countermanding his own authority, to save face. Now, while many are enthralled by the actions of The Sovereign God, Pharaoh embarks on trying to save his face and re-establish his authority, which at this point would be clear to any rational mind, that it is subject to a higher authority. He puts together the largest, most elite army at his disposal and gives chase. Reaction is equal and opposite, but wisdom teaches that it’s best to respond in the face of challenges because a response is borne from a process of careful thought and sought counsel rather than acting impulsively.

It is so much easier to be part of the crowd because being different is not an easy path…..