Just do right….

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When you get, you give. When you learn, you teach!” – Annie Henderson

These simple words resonate through my entire being as I awakened to a new month, albeit a new day and I reminded myself that with each new day comes hope, help and loads of opportunities. Have you ever wondered why at certain times in your life, the things that usually go unnoticed suddenly assume an amazing degree of clarity? Or ever wondered what the entire purpose of being alive is? Or ever considered that niggling voice within you that insists you do what really do not feel like doing at certain moments? I believe that within each and every walking human, there is a purpose for being alive and whenever doubt assails you, be sure that you have acknowledged that purpose and are walking conscientiously by it. Hmmm! Pretty intense but that is the only way to be sure that your life counts for something.

It takes me 374 seconds to walk to the closest mail box and back, and yesterday just as I was struggling with getting my disobedient fingers to reach for my keys, I had the profound privilege of watching one of the most common wildlife events. I observed an orb-weaver spider diligently going about its interesting and intricate task of spinning its web. For many of us, it is an unknown fact that this seemingly simple task of spinning webs is not just a signature of most spiders but is an energy tasking one, usually requiring loads of protein. I really do not like spiders or crawly things but the beauty of the effort that went into the normal chore of most spiders was what interested me. And it made me realise that just like that spider, we all have been designed to excel in one thing and that is simply just doing right.

“I suppose there’s no good answer to that, Ryan. I wish there was. But if you take the wrong, path, something deep inside you will feel twisted. There are times when that will be the only way to know the right from the wrong.” – Inara Scott

Whenever I do get out, after loads of rest because of the energy sapping tremors associated with myoclonus, I am confronted with a myriad of responses from individuals – ranging from those who are freaked out and are frightened that it might be contagious to those who think it is a thing of amusement, barely concealing their smirks. Those who like Rose, have an understanding of the unique disorders of the human body and are eager to know more, and there are those who are unable to appreciate the fact that this is not something one would choose even in a totally inebriated state. There are those who flaunt the present wellness of their bodies and those who are unknowingly destroying themselves. However, the unifying factor amongst all these categories of humans is that we are all humans and so like Maya Angelou, I teach myself to recite this phrase ‘I am human and therefore nothing human should be alien to me’, that way I can deal with the barely concealed acts of insensitivity when I do encounter them.

I have actually embraced the Redcord therapy sessions (will put up pictures someday) because it is something new and even as Igor reiterates ‘you are a unique patient with a unique challenge’, I brace myself to continue to strive to do the one thing that comes easiest to a human, regardless of skin colour,  origins,  idiosyncrasies, or denials  – just doing right, (of-course in the effort lies victory). Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, we have all been designed to do right and although we all daily wage battles within ourselves to stray from that divinely assigned task, that is our task – to just do right and regardless of how much pain I am in or how discomfited I may be – I want to do right, I choose to do right. It is so difficult wearing my own shoes and heck, some days just getting out of bed is so herculean but I have and am committed to that task because that is how I can improve myself. It is only when we acknowledge that we get, that the need to give can be properly birthed. I am given daily and so I choose to do right by giving as much as I get, being careful to sieve out the anguish of being ‘unique’ and give of the good I receive daily.

“If you are at a point in your life where you are not sure what you need to do, which path to take, or whether you are doing the right thing. That is probably because your inner being is wanting you to delve deep within yourself and find what you truly want from your life, Your spirit is trying to guide you towards your life’s path. Please take a moment to think what you really want to do that you haven’t done so far, and what would make you happy. That’s probably the answer to your confusion. All your answers are within yourself’ – A. E. Moss 

Now I am at a point in my life where I am sure of what I need to do because I know that happiness is a choice you have to make and for me, despite the loneliness of my sojourn or the looming clouds above, I am not giving in. I will continue to do right even if it means I get to stand alone. I will persist in doing right even when the stuttering wants to obfuscate the very words I want to say. I will persist in doing right even when it makes me different because I know that is what I was made to do and as each day draws to a close and I sit in watch as the new day dawns because I am unable to sleep, I know that I am further strengthened by the very One who is my designer and my Companion. When I realise with every passing moment that my life is but a journey, then I know that as I plod along, I can only but leave behind me legacies by the very actions of my hands and not so much by the words of my mouth. I can only do right by doing it, not saying it and pray someday that just one person will catch the vision and walk with it. That I dare to say is a life fulfilled.

What we can do, we must do: we must use what we are given, and we must use it the best we can, however much or little help we have for the task. What you have been given is a hard thing–a very hard thing… But my darling, what if there were no one who could do the difficult things?”  – Robin McKinley

It is indeed a new month and I always say it is better late than never. You can never go wrong when you simply just do right and so as I enthusiastically embrace the month with hope and determination, I know that within me lies the strength to not just triumph over this disorder but to also do right. As each of us, in his/her own little place begin to just do right, what an overwhelming tide of events we can cause to pervade our broken world. All it takes is to simply acknowledge that with the dawning of each new day, just like we welcome the breeze on our faces and bask in the warmth of the sun, so also we must acknowledge the good we receive and freely give just as we receive. Just do right, persist in it and behold the awesomeness of fulfilling your purpose daily.

Remember what a miserable tale ours would be if we choose to just exist rather than live purposefully. Just do right!

lמסתדר טוב עד שניפגש שוב בזמן שלו

Adios!

 

Voting with your feet……

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Use your feet, don’t stop at the mouth

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.”  – Elie Wiesel

I have just washed down my clonazepam and yet I am still up, the warm eyes of my bedside radio faithfully tell me it is a few minutes past 3am and there is just something really serene about the night-time – it is the best time to actually have a conversation, and I know only One who is up at every moment and I am truly grateful for the alone time because usually it is a time of replenishment especially after struggling through the week on a gas tank that gets depleted faster each time. I really should have gotten round to this earlier on but I just needed to really try to step it down a notch. I take my last 300mg of gabapentin round about midnight and then wait, watch and pray for the sleep to really come. By the way, you know there is this thing about true victory – in the effort, lies victory. And for me, undeniably it has been a full week and just like the tastefully prepared Subway sandwich, there has been loads of sweet and sour and spicy but together it tastes great.  The fact remains that life is all about moments and so we have to choose those that will push us just that lil bit further down our path.

Going by the words of Aristotle “man is by nature a political animal” and therefore the way we live our lives to a very large extent determines what party you belong to – the crowd, the nonchalant and indifferent, the vociferous or the egregious,the nay sayers or the doers. We all each need to truly realise where we are before we can then aspire to be where we want to belong. However this is not a political pitch, I am a firm proponent of being a flag bearer of the truth and therefore in today’s world that makes you alone most times. Beautiful memories of days of activism still serve me and yet I still commit myself to bestir me from the lethargy that so warmly embraces most of us. Just choosing not to do anything and even when there is a need, we prefer to ask more questions (and usually end there) as against just doing something. I would love to appreciate my friend and brother – Uch for giving me the title for this piece and be assured that the word ‘vote’ certainly transcends ballot boxes anyway.

It is always more intriguing trying to express my journey through these words but I am assured that there are many who are presently sitting on a pile of lemons, battered and bruised by the impact of being constantly hit in the face with lemons and just out of ideas and it is really to you that I speak to because there again, you have to vote (and in this context, it simply means doing more than just talking) to either wallow in a putrid atmosphere of rotting lemons or get to work, making lemonades. I just responded to my cuz that the lemonade has become so normal to me now that I have chosen to spice it up with a little tequila……funny right, considering I do not imbibe alcohol. Thank God it is Saturday morning – it is a new day and every morning that I can behold the rays of the sun awakening in its splendour, I know that I can and will make it.  And like Dan Ruther, I would much rather wear out than rust out.

But what happens when you cannot help but acquiesce to the fact that your feet simply cannot go any further? That was the amusing event that occurred on Monday. It takes me about 390 seconds to the shopping mall and as usual, because I do have to really rest, I usually kinda try to make my outings count even though I get to do it alone but hey! we all have to vote and our feet need to take us from point A to B in order to make that vote count – this includes me with my trusty staff of authority that is already showing signs of strain and wear but I dunno about you, every accoutrement of mine says ‘I am still here for you’ and from experience, I have come to actually believe what they tell me in comparison to the deluge of unkept promises and insincere statements that I am inundated with almost daily. And so I decided to see if I could do just a lil bit of shopping as I was almost out of instant meals and fruits. Now the weird thing about this disorder is that no matter how much you would love to ignore it and just carry on for once like the average human being – before you know it, it eerily whispers its commands to my neurological system and the alarm bells go clanging away. The state of independence and emergency rule is declared – you cannot help it.

So there I was, after barely being able to cross the road, plunked down on a road bench wondering how I was going to get home. And I really cared less for the little groceries I picked up, I just needed to get home but how was the issue. The cab companies were not too forthcoming and so I prepared myself to wait for some miracle to take place because miracles do occur every moment. And then It hit me, I had scheduled a house call by my friend and brother and so immediately, with barely responsive fingers (thank God for bluetooth ear pieces), I called out and he rushed to my assistance – helping my quivering  mass into his car and home. Phew! that was really a close call. Anyway we got talking and at the end of the nice company, absolutely unexpected gift and him being there for me, I took away that phrase that until each of us begin to vote with our feet, we are pretty much consigned to a world where anything goes. A case of whichever goat cries the loudest is taken to be the hungriest. And here again, I am completely flummoxed….why do we spend more time making all these neighing noises and yet still standing where we are. One of the fundamental principles of life is that a real man puts his money where his mouth is and in this case, money represents action. We are constantly inundated with words from all sides but the real difference is the ones that actually get put into action.

Like I said, it has been a week – commenced the novel Redcord therapy (redcord.com) here in the UK and undeniably it is something new and worth a shot. Why curl yourself into a ball, throw a pity party and allow yourself be thumped into submission when you can simply get up and actually do something about your present circumstances. Vote with your feet, enough of the semantics and the speeches – it is time to do something and even if it has to be baby steps – get your feet moving. In a bid to fight insomnia, I have downloaded ‘Sleep Time by Azunmio’ which helps record my sleep cycle and tell me how I am faring and even though the stats are not very encouraging, at the very least I am doing something about something. Thanks Vas! I do understand how difficult is it make you understand how difficult it is to really get that sleep but I am thankful for the few hours I do get to notch because I am aware that there are a few who cannot even get an hour. So irrespective of how beaten down you may be, just take a second to realise that there is someone out there who could with a sincere expression of love, humanity, kindness and compassion because it is only in giving off ourselves that we can truly make room for something newer and different.

I recall the teenager who after loads of tests (as usual) was finally diagnosed with idiopathic hypersomnia, which is an entire reverse of insomnia but I applaud her resilient spirit because nobody can take that from you. And what an awesome experience it has been for me, choosing to place that resilience (it needs upping sometimes) in the Hands of the One who is sure to stand by you through the gloom of the valley of the shadow of death because there is really no hiding place from Him but you have got to vote with your heart and feet and then trust Him to do the rest. It is definitely no bed of roses but you know that you are never walking alone, and that feeling is priceless because no matter how much, a friend, brother, acquaintance pledges to be there for you – this is your journey and they have got yours so save yourself those heart- wrenching moments of despair when they just cannot fit you into their plans, remember it is their plans, not yours and there is only One whose plans for you are true and He will also be there walking you through them but you have to vote with your feet and heart, begin with a sincere conversation with Him and give Him room. I have done that and it sure keeps me going when all else fails.

I have learnt to continue giving for as long as I have got something to give and amazingly there is always something to give but you just cannot let the thought simmer forever in your heart, get those feet moving. Stand for something at the very least or like the crowd on the bandwagon, you will fall for anything. If you have truly experienced the pleasure of seeing that glow light up another’s face when you can share something positive in deeds then that alone is a dead ringer that you are more than just mere statistics. As each day affronts us with its myriad of opportunities, let us do less of words and more of action because you will be remembered not by the words you spoke but by the actions you took – and it begins with casting off that indifference and nonchalance and actually doing something. Thank you for the likes of gorgeous Ure, Funsh with his persistence even if he always has to say the last word, Estee for simply wanting to be different, solid Lola, amazing Shirls, Dee and HCM and a host of many who have been raised up for times such as these. I am giving back too and will continue to because life in itself is a test and you either choose to take it or be forced to take it. It is such a beautiful day indeed and yet again, I see hope even as the morning rays make their way into my room. Grab the opportunity and actually do something for a change – givers never lack and that is why I have chosen to be one. Anyway I really cannot afford to lack more than I already have but with each day, I know it is gonna be better than the last.

Remember what woes of miseries betide they who are simply existing when you can truly experience a life of purpose.  I cap my thoughts for now and see what catnaps i will get 😀

lמסתדר טוב עד שניפגש שוב בזמן שלו

Adios!