My friend just reminded me that we weigh our expectations based on what we feel, and though not quite succinctly put, I would say that our priorities influence our everyday actions. In reference to my last post being two months ago, my dropping off the ‘bloggradar’ and all other proffered observations being a display of how often I was thought of……(really poignant) however what do we do when we are faced with our own challenges regarding a task is actually a display of how high that task is on our priority list. So this year, it is all about prioritizing and in order to do that, there has to be a clear picture of what really counts when push comes to shove.

It has been a significant start to the best year ever and whilst I cannot dwell on the past, I can also not do same for the future but what I can do is utilize the period in-between using the lessons from history and my aspirations for the future to get myself walking and not just ambling along but imbibing the sage words of Reverend Steve Banning; walking with purpose. The question that kind of jumps out now is ‘does purpose change with each new year?’ Honestly, in my own opinion, that answer is influenced by the necessity of reviewing the past because purpose really does not change but what changes is our position with regards to achievement. It would actually be a foible admitting that nothing has changed or that I am now a perfect version of who I was, instead I attest that I am a better version of who I was and needless to say that the health situation might not have varied much (it actually has, depending on where you stand), the financial situation might still be more within arms’ reach or that the lows were more than the highs (definitely not) – the glaring fact is that I am in a new year and old things have passed, all things are new as they stand.

I am writing on the eve of going for a battery of tests, resulting from my last appointment with my PCP and regardless of what new diagnosis was made, I am determined not to allow my priorities be juxtaposed. What counts to me are not the variables like the results from the doctor’s but that I am alive and choose to walk with purpose. I will definitely be lugging around more medication (and it is only just a few days into the new year but guess what, I see them as new too!), requiring more restraints as to what I can but should not do (like taking a swim and almost passing out from hypothermia and literally having brain freeze) but then I have to focus on what should count because ‘a man is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose’. I cannot afford to lose my faith neither can I afford to lose the overwhelming knowledge and conviction that I am led by a God who so loves me. I cannot afford to lose the opportunity to share my experiences truthfully with others especially those suffering from circumstances similar to mine. I can afford to lose loved ones (numbing as it may be) but I cannot afford to lose the opportunity to be a loving one to someone else, regardless of skin color, race or whatever indices there may be.

I know that what really counts may not be the immediate results of our actions, directly or indirectly but the effort towards achieving a purpose. It may tarry but as the heavens bear witness, no labor of mine is going unrewarded. I realize that what counts is not how many years I mark off the calendar but how much I am able to do today with regards to achieving my purpose. The excesses and the droughts will surely come but what counts is how I respond in such times and so I choose to be a first time responder to the needy, regardless of how ignorant they might be of their lack. In a bid to become what the world wants you to be, most times you give up the very core of your existence and I for one will not spend a precious moment being a shell of a being; merely existing with no real purpose and so though it takes every fibre of my physical strength, I will depend on the reserves that can never be exhausted and make my every day count for something.

Long ago, I realized the futility of making resolutions because in my opinion, they are just high falutin words made in a somber moment at the beginning of a year and so I choose to spend more time transforming those un-penned resolutions into actual works. Acknowledging what I see but walking by faith, because I see that what awaits me ahead is way beyond my feeble imagination. I hold dearly to they whom God has given me because I know that it is all for signs and wonders – an awesome display that will blow the minds of those that are still waiting to see. As for those that have witnessed something from my life and who have witnessed something to me, I say thanks for the privilege of being in your company albeit for whatever period of time. I know how limited (and I say that with a grimace) my strength is and so I know that what counts is that in Him, I truly will never know my own strength. The doors are all lined up and I walk towards doors that have been opened for me, truly anticipating the delights of walking through those doors. This is just the beginning, but what a beginning it is. With each freely given breath that I take, I extol the praises of My Creator and despite the limitations I face sometimes, I will make each breath count as a sweet exhalation of every grace and favor received.

Now is my time and as I plant each seed given to me, I know that the produce will surely count for something, someone ….

המטרה שלי היא ללא שינוי . פרידה , עד שנפגש שוב ….

Adios!