Tag Archives: Building bridges

Clichés, truths and others…..

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At this rate, it’s an uphill task trying to keep moving forward cos everytime, I look around, there’s fewer and fewer to build bridges with. It’s easier to destroy bridges (and there’s always a crowd in that profession). It takes selflessness and humility to maintain bridges because that’s exactly what life is about; relationships and building bridges. Nobody gives a hoot about your preconceived notion of who you think you are. You want to regale yourself for kicking people when they are already down. That, you erroneously think, is your purpose but just hold on and hear the noise of the silence.

Build a life

I oft ask myself what’s worse than a person who has traded compassion and kindness for flattery. It’s still an ongoing exercise for me! At the mere mention of money, suddenly it evokes a litany of your expenses without even knowing where the conversation is headed. A genuine ‘i hear you and we’ll get through it together’ isn’t a mortal sin. Not every event calls for money especially when you don’t have it to give. However, sincere words are also an undeniable expression of concern and there’s something genuine in silence even with just your presence. What relationship can you initiate when there’s truly nothing you agree on. How then can two walk together except in agreement, how difficult is it to put aside our haughtiness and realize that we’re part of over 8 interconnected billion people. Noting matters more than what impact you have on the lives you encountered.

I lost my dearest friend on Saturday, and the surge of ‘it is well’ is threatening to distort the objective – to celebrate her because just like each of us, she was not perfect and yet she showed that love not only covers a multitude of sins but it also is nigh impossible to love from your comfort zone. What is well about a parent burying her children after investing so much in them? What is well about being misconstrued and treated with disdain? What is well about people prioritizing their meager resources over the very obvious needs of others? What is well about kin railroading kin? What is well about not being civil enough to acknowledge someone trying to get in touch with you?

It’s not well that you could have helped someone floundering but you choose instead to wait till their transition to become the Chief mourner? What’s life all about but to help as many people get closer to their destination, because that’s why you’ve been blessed with what you have. It is not well that 2 young kids have to grapple with the concept of death and a future that’s become unsure and frightening. We dare not question the sovereignty of our creator but please remember that even children are no more frightened by a painted mask. If God wanted you to be an ostrich, you’d have no say in the matter then why are you burying your head in the sands at the faintest glimpse of the needy? Guess what! Even with your head in the sands, you also have needs so how are your needs more important than the unspoken needs of the bloke 4 blocks away?

For 27yrs, I had the privilege of sharing my life with a beautiful soul and I don’t know how to deal with that so I just trust God. We must turn to each other and not on each other, that would be a good start. Now she’s in a better place however, did I do all I could just to make her journey just a bit easier? I hope I did because she wore her heart on her sleeve. It’s love that gives room for you to be broken more times than you imagined, the same love will build you up and make you better & stronger. None of us has the time schedule for life so make each day count because it’s just outright absurd that we spend more time on making a living when we could rather build a life.

Whispering in the shadows….

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A whisper in the dark....

A whisper in the dark….

“Beauty deprived of its proper foils and adjuncts ceases to be enjoyed as beauty, just as light deprived of all shadows ceases to be enjoyed as light” – John Ruskin

I usually try to surmise my life experience of living with Myoclonus with this witty remark of walking through the valley of the shadow of death with just a flickering candle in hand to combat the swirling darkness trying so desperately to overwhelm me. To many, it defies comprehension especially when you juxtapose it with the developed economies where there is stability of power save for the disastrous after effects of a hurricane, blizzard or tornado just like the one witnessed a couple of days back. (One of the survivor’s son who was interviewed thanked God for making his mum quite nosy because a tree crashed down through her trailer in the exact spot where she had been seated some seconds ago……she stood up to go to the window after she saw a sheet of metal hurtling past her window!) However the light from my flickering candle drives me on through these challenging times.
It never ceases to fascinate me how weird the truth usually sounds – much wisdom is learned in the house of sorrows and the best time to number your friends is in the times of adversity. But regardless of how weird and creepy it comes across, there is always the exhilarating freshness of liberation in its wake. Nobody can understand the pain of your situation but people will always be drawn to your ability to smile despite your pain. I was having a conversation with a friend who had chosen to remain on her side of the road after my crossing even though she had largely prepared me for the crossing and it was amusing to hear her describe me as being ‘normal’ these days or for wont of a more appropriate comment ‘dealing with my demons’. Funny really because demons will always exist, why were they created if not to serve their purpose and so whether we choose to admit it from the perspective of a refusal to cross the road with someone or not, we all have to deal with the shadows because the shadows only exist with light.
It is much easier to appreciate the light when you have been in the shadows and whilst some might construe it literally, there are and will always be shadows that surround us and what an ignorant life to live when we deny the existence of these shadows. I have walked in the shadows of isolation, dearth of emotional support et al with the onset of this neurological disorder and it has further revealed and heightened the inadequacies we choose to comfort ourselves with when the shoe seems to be on the other person’s feet but I have learned that we can only give what we have. No natural disaster is going to imbue us with what we consistently choose not to have and so the differentiating factor is not being able to say that someone has finally dealt with their demons and so it is now safe to cross the road but being able to rightly discern the existence of the shadows and yet choose to be that whisper in the gloom urging another towards the light.
I may not have all the expertise in sharing my thoughts however I do what I can and choose to because I know that just by sharing my heart, I might be building a bridge over a chasm in someone’s world. Like the faint whisper of the spring breeze as it caresses all that lies in its path, so we can make a choice to be that positive influence in those fleeting seconds as we pass through the lives of others.
I was invited to a soccer game by my buddy and despite the fact that they lost the game by four points, I itched for the feel of running, kicking the ball, breaking out in sweat from the physical exertions of bodily exercise. I did none of that for obvious reasons but I did lend my stuttering voice to his team encouraging them to do more and guess what; it sucked that they lost but I was glad to have been a voice of encouragement. Now, many of us might have been content with just being a silent spectator but we can choose to do more than that. Make a difference in someone’s moment of dismay and discouragement, be a whisper in the shadows that surround someone else and be assured that in those few moments, you will put your own shadows at bay. Whilst your candlelight may be flickering, be daring enough to light that other candle that has just puttered out and in the space of those moments, bask in the warmth of the smile on that face in front of yours.
I will always be grateful for these challenging times because a whole new path has opened up before me, I have found love and support in seemingly hopeless times. I have been given a second chance to make a demand on life for what I know I deserve, I have shared in the pains and sufferings of many and have been privileged to do something beautiful amidst the ashes of smouldering dreams. I have learned that you can choose not to judge the actions of others because my circumstances have birthed a wider and clearer perspective and words mean nothing until they are translated into actions, no matter how little they are. I have chosen to enjoy the little moments that come my way not because I am unable to sleep but because I realize that it is a blessing being awake when most people are asleep. I choose to prayerfully assist others not because I expect miracles when I am prayed for but I understand better that the best times to give are when every fiber in your being is screaming to withhold even if it is just to alleviate some periods of pain and anguish to yourself.
As I awaken each day, I am thankful because I have a voice and be it a whisper or a full-throat roar of encouragement, I choose every day to set the shadows just a little bit away for myself by being a voice in someone’s shadows. I remind myself every passing day that it a duty to myself to ascertain and apply myself to my purpose for these times and regardless of how much I receive in return, my work is done and will still be.
Remember that life’s sorrows are but a birthing process that truly separates the bold and different from the rest of the pack. No two chances are ever the same so make a choice to make the best of today’s situation.

lמסתדר טוב עד שניפגש שוב בזמן שלו

Adios!