Rubik’s cube…..

Image result for rubix cube

In the effort….

We have been created to be of a variety so unique that more often than not, in today’s world, the uniqueness of our very being has become an object of intense manipulation by very many – souring the good and celebrating the sour. We are gradually witnessing a deliberate choice by us to abdicate our position as influences and leaders to being absolutely at the bottom of the ladder; unidentifiable. The very heinous acts commonly fought for as being fundamentally ‘right’ today are those that even animals would not imagine. The bestiality of man is gradually coming to the fore and if unhindered, someday inevitably and already foretold, will be the catalyst of the end. I am coming to grips with the truth, we are all in need of saving but truth be told, that the need already has been met, the question now is what is your own choice regarding having the solution to that need.

I have considered varying options in recent times and just like I had been largely unsuccessful with Rubik’s cube in my growing days, so also have I almost be assuaged by the nigh on impossibility of the variations of life’s challenges. Today, I celebrate still (#JOIVrocks), not the champagne popping variety but the somber appreciation of positional and personal change. Funny how the mind works, when we realise that we are the ones who are responsible for the future we either desire or dream of or on the flip side, the catastrophe towards which we plunge to unchecked. Today I have, tomorrow I may not – so what wisdom is displayed if I do not utilise what I have today to make a positive difference because tomorrow is certainly not in my hands. In the light of this, I am discovering a growing trend of questioning the moral fibres on which we were raised, and my question is ‘are we dealing with symptomatic changes or its just a case of sheer boredom?’

In his thirties, a young African American had the boldness not just to dream but to believe in his dream and today we remember Martin Luther King Jr as the pioneer of the turning point for the racially marginalised African Americans. He was just an ordinary preacher, husband and father, but his belief drove him to the era of extraordinary.But it began with a dream and an overwhelming desire to share that dream with as many whilst holding unto the tenets of his faith and in defiance to the already ‘established’ structure. Now I am not saying we are all some form of MLK but we all have the same moral compass that he had, we all have the ability to dream but do we choose to acknowledge the ability to nurture that dream and make it count for something? Now I have chosen not to give in to what is generally accepted as laid down structure because I am me, and my life does count for something different. It surely does or else why am I stuck with a plethora of issues singularly but also peculiarly unique to me? The question I pose to myself each new day is how can I live better today even if I must leave today. Do I see my exit as a foreboding ominous gloom that I must at all costs scurry away from or do I accept that inevitability and go about altering that which I can…..remember Rubik’s cube has one outcome, just as our very lives do too.

Am I grateful for what I have or do I still mourn the loss of what I had as against looking forward to the new things awaiting me? I am truly grateful for what I have now, a new day to make some change, initiate a new chapter, shake off the regrets of yesterday’s mistakes and move on with eyes focused. Do I bestir myself from the lethargy of yesterday’s disappointments and still cling unto hope? Do I toss aside the challenges I will face because of the inherent difficulties or do I reach in and give it yet another shot? It is all about what you and I choose to do! If and when we leave, are the results going to veer towards the positive or get swallowed by the murkiness of negativity? Embedded in the lyrics of Alvin Slaughter’s song is the consistent appeal to acknowledge what we have got and yet not be so enamoured with it that we choose not to allow God use it, He placed it there in the first place. is it true that every loss births a gain and every disappointment but a disguised blessing? I would say I choose to strive to find that gain and blessing because that is what my life journey has taught me. Like two sides of a finely sliced bread, we must pick a side to lather the butter (smearing both sides is just outright messy and reveals something more to who you are) or spend the entire day vacillating between ‘to do’ or ‘not to do’ until you are overcome by the pangs of hunger and life makes the decision for you.

I have in the last three years, had doors opened up to me and then slammed in my face but I have also found myself on the right side of the slammed door – be it with me being on the outside or inside. I get to move on still, and despite the hurt of anticipation turned sour, I know that there is still something that I can do with that life situation. Least of all is that I also own my own door and who I let in or leave out is a sum function of the knowledge acquired and lessons learned (still ongoing). It ain’t over until God says its over but till then I put aside the mistakes, hurts, disappointments of yesterday and deal with what I have got today. My dad’s favorite cliche is ‘no man is an island’ but to that I dare add that who you align yourself with goes a long way in determining whether you eventually end up as an island, all isolated and alone. Regardless of how daunting life’s tasks are (nobody owes me a thing, but thanks to those who choose to support me), I choose to diligently apply myself to it and hopefully someday when I do leave, the state of my Rubik’s cube will inspire others to hope and believe more than they ever taught possible.

Remember ” Keep your face always towards the sunshine, and shadows will fall behind you” – Walt Whitman

החיים שלנו הם מתנות מאלוהים , מה שאנחנו בוחרים לעשות עם זה הוא אובהערכה או זלזול גמור של מתנה ש….. עד שנפגש שוב , ייתכןשהשמש מאירה את הדרך שלך.


Sowing seeds…..

Blessed to bless

Blessed to bless

Awakening from my restless brainiac world where the best two hours are like being thrust into a Ferris wheel, everything going around in such a blur that you barely have enough time to comport yourself least off all scream in sheer terror…..but that’s what insomnia feels like. Being exhausted and yet wary of shutting your eyes without ingesting that tiny white pill that gives you a blank world where nothing is, just a feeling of nothingness……my eyes snap open and I realise it’s barely an hour or two ago and yet I’m mentally fatigued. Each subconscious thought methodically pulled apart and a maelstrom of thoughts are all ricochetting in my weary brain. Where’s the rest in sleep, I ask? But wait a minute, if I spend all my time chasing the elusive rest, what happens to my purpose on earth?

I did a mite of shopping a couple of days back and am still recuperating whilst striving to admonish myself not to embark on such a seemingly harmless task however that’s what my body has become. An irreconcilable ongoing exercise between my outsides and insides and it seems to be a losing battle but guess what, the opera ain’t over till the champ says his lines and I’m not done with writing my lines. It’s amazing how much life seems clearer when you are down in the rut, grinding it out daily with myoclonus. It’s also amusing when I come across the experts who are clearly flummoxed and yet are unable to admit that simple truth to themselves. I can because I do battle each moment with a neurological disorder that takes pleasure in persistently striving to make you who you sure aren’t however it’s a game of wits. Persist all you may, the call is mine to make – it’s my life not yours.

I have got this lovely DAB/iPod digital radio and bedside clock and each time my eyes are drawn to those fluorescent green digits, I assure myself that there’s more than just bemoaning my present circumstances. I recollect with astonishing clarity the fun I had working with paper machè, gathering all the old and discarded dailies (for many, just some more clutter that needs to be trashed), letting it soak up in a tub of water till it’s all mushy and then mixing it with yucky paper glue. The smell to many, distasteful it might be but for me, it’s another opportunity to put together that messy unwanted mixture into something of a sculpture that when it’s all dried up would attract more than just glances but back in the days, my sculpture would occupy a place of pride and attract those who failed to see the beauty in some old used newspapers.

Now I admit my fingers may no longer be as nimble as they were back then neither do I have the ability to bend and retrieve those discarded dailies, least of all lug them home and get working but I acknowledge that there’s something of beauty in everything around us. The question is how many of us choose to remain on the level of being too busy chasing nothing, to pause and admire the beauty that lies all around us. Many of us may be content with side-stepping the ‘brokenness and discarded’ amongst us whilst we rush away snuggled in our warm overcoats but realise that the fulfilled life is not only one that takes into perspective what they see but willfully determines to make just that little difference in their world. I can luxuriate in the fact that I may not be able to make a paper mâché sculpture anymore but I can encourage those who still can, but do not realise they can, fashion a thing of beauty from their situations of bleakness as they are apt to be reminded almost daily.

What makes us individuals isn’t just the obvious fact that we are acclaimed to be top of the mammal/primate chain but I’ve seen animals go out of their way to assist an unrelated specie. I’ve been privy to witness love in deeds by those far lesser than us on the evolution ladder. A sparrow with a broken wing being nursed by a raccoon, I’ve witnessed abandoned pups being taken under the motherly care of a lioness and so if we truly are top of the chain, what acts of love define our everyday actions. ‘Saying a prayer’ via comment on social media for an ailing neighbor, friend or family when it cost you nothing to drive out there or send out a card or even place a call. Waiting for the call from that chap who obviously needs a better pair of shoes to warm his feet during the winter, mind you, he can barely afford to place that call. Waiting for your neighbour who’s past her prime to call out to you to please check on her and bring some joy to her life even if it is to help with her groceries. “Love sought and given is good but given unsought is better” – William Shakespeare. The list of little acts of kindness is endless, the question is what if that call never comes, are you absolved on the grounds of ignorance?

My hands hurt and I have to give this body some rest for there is yet a journey to continue on and so I cherish the little seeds of kindness i choose to place on my path because it sure is gonna look rosier to the next person that journeys behind me. That’s the choice I make every conscious moment with each day I yet draw breath, to let things go that truly don’t matter that I might devote myself as much as my body can take, to the things that truly matter.

Remember that giving is truly receiving, what’s that you’ve got in your hands – God wants to use it if you are willing to lose it.

פרידה עד שנפגש שוב בתזמון שלו עצמו