Tag Archives: Adapting

What’s Normal?……

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What next?


‘Daddy, have you written anything recently?’ This has become almost a chant from my daughter and it is quite difficult explaining the oft frequently encountered hassles associated with writing however it brings me much joy as I see her scribbling away (writing yet another poem) in the middle of a television show usually our attempt to catch up with what’s going on. Nope, it’s no sabbatical but it just seems the right thing to do in a world where the word ‘normal’ has become a concept to understand each new day. Just like watching the birth pains of a mother-to-be, I know that we’re yet in the middle of the birth of a new season as consternation is etched on the brows of so many, nonetheless I know just like I live and breathe, that with every season, we will most certainly emerge changed in so many ways. I have refused to write because in so many times – past and present, I have treasured the silence and the physical companionship of the few I am honored to call friends in the midst of really adverse times.

Where and how did we get here? A question I have asked myself countless times in the past and the issues are real; we have become overwhelmed by the inordinate desires of a few strategically placed individuals. However seeking to understand their thought process will just be a journey in a gigantic maze; every turn and twist leading us further into a labyrinth that seemingly has no end. I live with hope inexhaustible because of the invaluable sacrifice of The Cross and The Death, and because of that, there need not be and can not be any more death worthy of such an impact. Like the guard asleep at his watch point, we have been beset by contemporary issues that have their origins in centuries past. Issues that were never really entirely dealt with. Now they emerge from the woodwork, no longer taking solace in the darkness but strutting around in full glare, and the consequences are in play today.

I pray most sincerely for the lives lost needlessly and I have sat in silence with grieving ones as they try to make sense of a seemingly senseless situation. I know it, I have lived it, I still live it but while the end might not seem in sight, in my heart I know that an end looms but that’s not what needs to be said at the moment. I can only grieve with the hundreds of thousands, casualties of pride and ignorance. Destruction comes hastily on the heels of ignorance and the liberty which has been so casually taken for so long now is being seen clearly and the huge expense with which it was obtained. Thrust in the churning waters of an unbridled waterfall, we can only pray and act in faith, trusting that we are not plunging headfirst to our deaths even as we grasp for something to hold on to. Numbers are no longer just digits, they represent lives; lives that were paid for by the costliest of sacrifices. As mortals, we are grossly incapable of creating lives so it is a profound responsibility to treat every life not unctuously but with some modicum of respect.

Hope exists!

Dystonia; an unwelcome company reluctantly refusing to cooperate or at the very least go its own way independent of mine, yet I still have more issues beset me and I am learning new tricks even as my knees creak with each step I take, I am confident that there is purpose to it all. It definitely doesn’t appear to make any sense still but there must be hope in purpose otherwise we will be trodden to death underfoot by the rushing masses seeking to escape this unrelenting and inevitable global confusion. This truth I share as often as I can, ‘wherever you’re today, you were placed there for a reason; either to teach or learn!’ however if the intoxicating fumes of power and wealth rob you of reason, it’s an exercise in futility to think that nothing will change. Woe betide those who have lost all reason and have gotten inebriated on what they know nothing about; let those who think they stand be careful because their fall will be catastrophic.

I am glad that even in the chaos, there’s always something to be grateful for and I am grateful for a lot – for the Zoom call with all my siblings after almost 7years of ‘each man to his/her tent’, I am thankful that I am alive and can still be a friend to that one individual who thinks they’re in it all by themselves. I am thankful that God has given me friends that have transcended friendship to brotherhood, always ready to pick me up when I cry out but most importantly I am thankful that I have a God who knows my name despite being Sovereign over all things, I am grateful that not a hair on my head falls to the ground without His knowledge and permission (I’m beginning to really thin on the crown of my head…). He is The One who I go to for refuge and solace because I have since given up on trying to understand the ‘whys’. So hear me out, amidst the grief and loss and the murkiness of today’s uncertainties. I am grateful that now I can empathize more than before and act with knowledge. I am grateful for my brother who suffered a mild stroke and is fully recovered because I know illness is no small burden but like the stone skipping across the waters, there’s always ripples spreading out to those around you.

Today I say that all I need, all I’ve ever needed was and is still ‘You, Lord!’ and amidst the indefinable moments that’s all you need too because there can be no life if there is no hope. Regardless of where you are at this moment, all we need is Him. I say this despite those who think of me with scorn or those who treat or have treated me with varying levels of insouciance, I can’t be the perfect person no matter how hard I may try so kindly tolerate my idiosyncrasies (you don’t know the journey I’m currently on). If you see a need, you can do something about it; give less thought to the size of your actions or whether they’ll be appreciated, just do what you need to and move onto the next life in the ladder of lives we each are honored to come across in our life journey.

Remember that even in the valley of dry bones, hope lives and all we need do is cling to that hope because He knows your every hurt, and circumstances be damned, He is most assuredly actively involved in the affairs of man which inextricably encapsulates all of the issues which plague you and me. Time like everything else can be contextual or seen from a perspective so know that His delays are by no means denials, it would be much more lighter when we succumb to His call and leading. There’s hope eternal and it exists only in Him. Even when I don’t see or feel that He is working, He never stops – the very same applies to you too!

עד שניפגש שוב, אני מתפלל שפרצופו יאיר עליך לטובה!

Adios!

The reverberation of silence…..

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Silence!

“Be (known as) a person of persistence and endurance. One person with persistence, commitment and endurance will accomplish more than a thousand people with interest alone.” – J. Mason

When and where we are birthed is not a decision that provides room for our opinions to weigh in. We emerge, most times, angry at the doctor or nurse who swatted our bum while we also vociferously complain at the change in our residing address. That really does nothing to the process of childbirth and/or family building, we eventually get to accept (some of us pretty early and others pretty late) that there are things/events we can change and others that would be a manifestation of sheer naivety and wrongful application of energy were we to attempt changing them. That’s where serenity comes to play, giving us peace to go through those events we have no control over however wisdom is a prerequisite to enable us tell the difference.

I recall my first solo Christian outreach as a University graduate some 16years ago and was it an eye opener indeed. Not only did it satisfy my urge to go to new places but it also made me realize that entitlement is a unique word and not the very best to use in our common, everyday conversations. There I was, in a little village populated by about 100 families who had chosen to question the predominant religion. No schools, no water, no electricity but all around them these same ‘necessities’ were available to others, a reward for their conformity and reliable apprehension at rocking the boat. I juggled having summer classes, learning the language, helping on farms and talking about intangible treasures that are stoutly backed by infallible and unbreakable promises. Talking about streets of gold to someone who had never seen an asphalt road is not just a gigantic stretch in imagination but it also kindles hope, strength of purpose and incomprehensible peace.

Trust is something that is inevitable to life. From the moment you open your eyes to a new day to the moment you shut them at the end is a journey of faith. You unknowingly believe that you will live, you believe the atmosphere can sustain your respiratory system, you believe that your feet will hold you up……you believe without an iota of doubt because that’s what science says. Who made science? There is always a source, an origin if we choose to apply ourselves to searching however there will always be the plethora of unanswered questions that make life more of a mystery than just a monotonous exercise. And those unanswered questions, we believe will be answered someday. That in a nutshell was one of the minor reasons that made me enjoy my stay and plan another visit the next summer.

On the faces of children and adults, I could see contentment and unbridled joy because they chose not to dwell on their lack (they were not anticipating a turn around so soon or the coming of a messiah) but rather focus on The One who holds all of life in His hands. They could relate with that! They could relate with the fact that life in itself is a season, and just like every agricultural community, they understood seasons – every season begins and ends someday. From the starry eyed kids in their worn-out clothing to the fierce gleam of defiance in the eyes of adults, I learned that what we need the most in life is companions that are eager and willing to walk some way with us as we journey through life. And not just any company but the distinct few who walk in agreement with us, come rain or scorching heat. I learned the beauty of silence, not the silence of indifference and nonchalance, but the silence that brings the realization of our existence as humans devoid of all the frenzy of the big cities and wholly dependent on Our Creator.

Like Spinoza says, “no matter how thin a slice is, there will always be two sides.” We may choose to butter both sides and deal with ensuring we don’t get dirt on our faces and clothing or we may choose to be thankful for that slice regardless of the availability of butter or not. I recalled this life changing experience because once again, I’m embarking on something completely foreign to me as I grapple with dystonia. An entirely unprecedented chain of events for those who know me just a bit. However with a life as unique as mine, you develop the knack of ignoring the bumps (& associated pain) from the thrown lemons and focus on making some lemonade. It’s not just trying to survive (a puny task I dare to opine), it is instead recognizing the circumstance and adapting to ensure your purpose is not derailed. The purpose always counts, and what we put in today and tomorrow will always determine if we are striving for excellence or just pretending to enjoy (while cringing internally in absolute terror) the waters as we are hurled along in no direction by the strong currents of life.

…..and you are???

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends” – MLK Jr. No life can be lived in isolation and although we do not get to pick our families but we do get to pick our friends, and yet again we believe that most of them will be there for the long haul despite the occasional squabbles. The journey we all embark on will have its fair share of storms, and sometimes during those storms, what we crave the most from our friends is not just a deluge of words alone but sometimes that walm hand that is quietly slipped into your hand, reassuring you that you are not alone. So many times, we are so unsettled by the silence that we fail to see and appreciate how consistent and little our true friends are. Their actions are not preceded by a definitely not-so eloquent speech or a forwarded ‘do not break the chain’ prayer (insincere and bothersome). True friends are found in the silence.

However there will be those times when ego has even gone to ground (for fear of identifing with you) and your outstretched hand is completely ignored. It is in those times that silence, if permitted, becomes a complete set of percussion instruments all wailing in discordance. That is when silence becomes a banshee whose voice threatens your peace of mind. It is that silence that cuts the most deeply, leaving a wound that may seemingly never heal. And still, even as the silence reverberates all around you, there is still a choice to be made – give into the insanity that the cruel, intentional silence of friends offer or find that quiet place deep in the recesses of your mind where no hand can touch. Retreat there to ponder on the fact that life is a process and it is the approval and relationship of God that counts the most. On the many occasions when friends align with the enemy through their silence and it becomes nigh impossible to differentiate friend from foe, then you are forced to remind yourself that no man has a plan that makes total provision for you, it is then you just must find Him.

I learned from that first experience, even in the silence, beauty can still exist. When the words from the lips of companions are like the falling of brown leaves, lifeless, insincere and meaningless. When their gestures threaten to extinguish the sliver of light you have because their intent is not to act but to be seen as being active. It is in times like these that I cling fervently to the promises of a good God who is not man that He would dare cast shadow on His Word. I remember that it is not the seeming abundance (just provocatively beyond your grasp) around you that counts but the ability to bask in what you have been blessed with; hope, purpose and a destination, that is what counts when the silence descends on you.

Remember, “We need to find God, and He cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature – trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence… We need silence to be able to touch souls.” – Mother Teresa

עד ניפגש שוב, תן אהבה שלו למלא ולשמור אותך!

Adios!

A cuisine of herbs…..

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Herbal Broth

“Men of genius are admired. Men of wealth envied. Men of power feared, but only men of character are trusted.” – Arthur Friedman

Character is not a gift, far from it. It is the end result of a process, and more often the process is back-ended with loads of trying and very frustrating times. However it is in the process that character is formed and from an engineering or building perspective, forming or forging is tasking on both the smithy or technician as well as the object being worked on.

Children are truly precious and even though I have heard many rueful comments concealing wishes that babies would stay babies, there is no negation of their pricelessness. But alas even at that, those wishes are an aberration in life because change is inevitable. Several years ago, I recall trying to explain to my 4yr old daughter why she needed to eat her veggies. It was both amusing and just a tad annoying seeing her with brows puckered in a frown, assiduously separating the veggies from her meal. A couple of months later, with a hard fought win tucked in my belt, I remember her complaining bitterly that she was outgrowing her fancy shoes because she was eating tomatoes. Today, that’s a memory that she vociferously claims never happened.

I have come across some very fascinating people (pretty sure I am listed under that category in someone else’s journals); a chap who believed water was solely to be used in CPAP machines, humidifiers et al, another who believed bread was created specifically for culling the human race. However one thing that acts as a common factor across all types is that regardless of our perspectives, in order for there to be growth, sometimes we have to make some concessions. Growth in itself is not always that process that we so eagerly await because with growth, there’s always some form of discomfort however yin yang is one of the many attempts at explaining the process. Life consists of many exercises encompassing the need to understand and appropriately apply balancing.

Most often, the largest obstacle to our growth is the image staring back at you when you stand alone in front of a mirror. Ignorance has never been the best of reasons for the mistakes we often make because we are humans however embracing knowledge is setting ourselves free. No matter how hard we battle with the process, we just have to delve deep into that herbal broth because therein lies the very nutrients we need to grow. The more of a struggle we put up, the more exhausted we become and the more of a delay we unknowingly throw in our own journey. Understanding all things is impossible but in order for us to move on, we must embrace hope, trust and faith in The One who we owe everything to.

Right now, it’s quite a struggle for me, because having a sprained shoulder definitely gives me no edge over dystonia. However it has forced me to search out untried ways of reaching my milestones and attaining objectives. In this season, I have had to remind myself that although herbs might be bitter, I had rather look beyond the bitterness and dwell rather on the intrinsic positives that come with ingesting them. Trying to make head of everything at this moment would simply be an exercise in abject futility and so I am yet again reminding myself that waiting might seem pointless but there’s so much more going on that remains unseen. Someday, like the phenomenon of the Chinese bamboo, there would be a visible and significant change in who and what I am today.

Engaging in battles with myself when I so obviously do not have all the answers is not moving on. For there to be a move in the right direction, sometimes we just have to admit that although we have the vision, there’s also the undeniable truth that time and chance happens to everyone. Every life; a piece in the puzzle of God’s masterplan, we each must apply ourselves to the circumstances we find ourselves because in doing that, we do not only recognize divinity but we also positively affect the lives around us. Our positions today are a function of the lives before us and so selflessly we ought to also pay it forward. Ridding ourselves of every bit of resentment and bitterness that we allow build up in the face of opposition is usually a step in the right direction, because failing to do that irreparably hurts us and self-inflicted wounds attest to ignorance, naivety and sometimes just plain old stupidity on our part.

No battles have been won without making room for a retreat when the horns sound. And yes, most battles are won by the side that stays longest in their trenches because sometimes all that is needed is to hunker down when the barrage seems unrelenting and wait for the silence and peace that is the prelude to the joys of victory. In our frenetic lives, we get so enamored with the society’s definition of success that we fail to realize that we are trampling underfoot the very herbs we need for nourishment and growth. And so when we are falling headfirst into the chasm that signals burnout, then we realize the utter folly of our wrong choices. Failure to recognize the need for reassessment, rest and a possible detour is entirely nobody else’s fault but ourselves.

Trying new and unfamiliar ways do not in anyway portend emasculation, rather it is the highly undervalued second opportunity that we so urgently require. Today represents another opportunity to realign ourselves with our purpose, today represents another call to wait in trust because His Promises are true and infallible. Though they tarry, they are in no way having the similitude of or are they denials. With the patience of the lapidarist, a trait that comes with discipline, we must be thankful for what we have before us. And when we start to entertain doubts regarding the safety found in the multitude of counsel, there’s One Counsel that is completely devoid of the slightest of shadows.

Nourishment is not fast food engorgement, and whilst the latter is so easily available, the truth is that the herbal broth (though plain looking and bland tasting) is what is needed to initiate the growth needed to occupy the next season in our lives. For us to grow above and beyond today’s bleakness, there has to be an acceptance that every experience can either be a stepping stone or just another stone in the wall that further shuts out the glimmer of tomorrow’s riches. I choose to make mine a stepping stone and even in the silence of being different, I am thoroughly convinced that when the night seems to embody just weeping, surely joy and growth comes with the morning.

Remember, rather than complain about the thorns among the roses, be thankful for the roses among the thorns!

עד ניפגש שוב, תן אהבה שלו למלא ולשמור אותך!

Adios!